As I lay me down to sleep...

I do almost all my thinking in bed. The moment my head hits the pillow, it all comes rushing in. Not only do I find myself thinking more these days. I also admitted to myself recently that there was nothing I could do to quiet the voices in my head. I always kept a diary. I've outgrown it and in trying to keep up with the times, I've decided my blog would be my new diary.

I understand that not everybody likes me all that much but I've given up on caring a long time ago. So many things going on around me and within me. My way out as always been writing. I need a way out. I could always write myself into fantasy land. A land where everything happens the way I want it to. A world where I always get an happy ending (no pun intended).

In bed, I wonder about the future. Nobody ever knows what it holds. We just keep hoping for the best. There's no guarantee that every thing works out or falls apart. Hope is a beautiful thing. Without it, many die. Without it, many give up too soon. Without hope, a man has no business living.

In bed, I wonder about me. Sometimes I confuse even myself. I don't have much to grumble about. I don't have much to sit down and watch either. On certain days it's almost like I took happy pills. Other days? Other days, I would give anything for a happy pill. Anything to just burst the bubble of gloom that settled around me.

In bed, I wonder about my country. Oftentimes I've wondered why none of my direct ancestors were carried off as slaves. Other times, I've fantasized about leaving and never looking back. Don't get me wrong, I love my father's land. I just wish it was better. I have faith that it will be some day.

In bed, I think about him. Him that brings a smile to my face. The one that understands me when I'm down and consoles me when I'm sad. The one that walks fearlessly through the wilderness filled with landmines that he calls mood swings. My best friend and my confidante. I could go on but I won't.

In bed, I realize I have an opinion about everything and I'm tired of keeping it to myself because someone might get hurt. Life is not a bed of roses (even if it were, roses have thorns too) people should get used to being hurt. I understand that I might probably make more foes than friends but what's life without a few haters?

In bed, I converse with God . I find that I feel Him best when I treat Him like my friend and actually talk to Him and not just ask for stuff. He's everywhere. He's everything. My very present help in times of trouble. Sure we fight and disagree sometimes but I always come back into His arms knowing that I am empty without Him filling me up.

I pray the Lord my soul to keep.