Miss Wrong

Miss Wrong exists too. I do not dispute that fact.  A replica of something exists because there is an original. Remember that we are in the era of what a man can do, a woman can do better. These things are a sort of chain reaction. You hurt me I hurt you. Only thing is that most times we hurt an innocent because of a past offender.

This is a post for the men. Hopefully this will give you the sort of vindication you think you need. Personally, I do not think you need one seeing as you started it. But, what I think does not really matter. What matters is the right thing. I will just point out what you should look out for in Miss Wrong. You are men and as such expected to be smarter (that's a misconception). Ever heard the saying, "okunrin loni iro, obinrin loni ete"? Meaning (paraphrased), "men lie, women play tricks and scheme."

Say it's because I'm female, but keep in mind that even I cannot claim that I have mastered the art of femininity. I have always thought like a man and see how far that as gotten me. No offense but men are kinda stupid. Like a female friend of mine would say, "Men are dogs, you have to take time out to train them. No man really knows what he wants, they always need a little push in the right direction." I have recently found that to be very true.

Men, you need to keep in mind that women are worthy opponents. For crying out loud, they make you do what they want and leave you thinking it was your idea. Let's face it, like Michelle Hammond would say, God gave men authority and gave women influence." Influence trumps authority any day. Now, now before you get all worked up just remember that they need you as much as you need them.Now unto the topic at hand;

How to spot Miss Wrong

1. She's a material girl: Miss Wrong is all about what you can do for her. The only reason she chose you in the first place was because she needed a manual ATM. She wants to go out, she wants to go shopping, she wants to receive gifts and she doesn't want it costing her a dime. She will always want something or need something. Her 'love' is tied to how well you are able to meet her needs.

Remember: You want a woman that will not become a liability to you. You want a woman that loves you in spite of what you give or do not give to her. You want a woman that will stick by you through thick or thin. A woman that isn't driven by material needs. A woman that chose you because you have the most to offer will leave you the moment you have nothing. Just test her and see it for yourself.

2. She's selfish: According to Wikipedia, selfishness (the act of being selfish) is defined as, placing concern with oneself or one's own interests above his well-being or interests of others. She doesn't care what you want or what's convenient for you. All that matters is that she gets what she wants when she wants it. I'm not saying she has to pay your bills, I am just saying she should bring something to the table. Would it really hurt her to buy some groceries or see something you lack that you haven't noticed, that she can afford and replace it? (Hope you were able to follow that sentence). A relationship should be about giving and receiving. Both parties should give and receive. You should totally be the man. She should also be the woman. She should be able to tell when something is bugging her man and she can't, if she's selfish.

Remember: A relationship is like a test-drive for marriage. You want a woman that will help you. A woman that will share the load of keeping the family with you. A woman that truly loves you will share everything with you. She will ease your burden not add to it. Why else would God call her a 'helpmeet' if you are to do everything? Your feelings, your finances, your health, your emotional and mental state, all these should matter to her. Bottom line; a woman that says 'I' more than she says 'we' is probably not the right choice for you.

3. She's domineering/overbearing: A domineering/overbearing woman is a woman that wants to play the role of the man. Like my pastor would say,"she is a HE and not a SHE". The thing is, many women are guilty of this offense, myself included. But, I came to realize that if a woman truly loves a man and wants to make things work she will find a way to submit to his will (even when she believes it to be stupid). No matter the difference in income/IQ, the man is the head and a woman has to submit. There cannot be two kings in one kingdom. That's a recipe for chaos!

Remember: You might feel you can handle it all. Just wait till she does it in front of your friends and they find out you're a wimp! Nobody likes a hen-pecked man. Any man that cannot command the respect and obedience of his woman is seen as a failure. Infact, you're just as much of a coward as a "woman-beater". There's a difference between being diplomatic and being a pushover. The latter is a disgrace to your man-hood. If you are in this kind of relationship, my advice to you would be to get out of it and then go in search of your missing man-hood (no pun intended. ..lool!!! maybe just a little pun).

4. She doesn't get along with your family and friends: I know the Good Book says, "leave to cleave". I also know God did not mean that your woman should not get along with your family and friends. Let's face it, you knew them first and these people happen to be important to you. I understand that in some cases it is not necessarily the woman's fault. For some reason the man’s family just dislikes her, nobody is good enough for their son. I have always told women in situations like this to get out. If they don't, they have their man's mother or sister as rivals. On the other hand, a woman that makes no attempt to get along with your family/friends is not the right woman for you. Love is not selfish. If a woman loves a man, she loves everybody that is connected to him or at least she tries to. Even when they seem unlovable. She does it, not for them, but for her man. A woman that tries to create boundaries between you and your family and friends, causes more friction than she gets rid of or does not even try to smooth things over when they are rough between you guys is not the right choice. You picked up someone else's rib. Believe me you, she might not find it all that hard to love another man's family and friends. I know sometimes parents are overprotective and so are wrong when they reject certain partners for their children, but other times they are right on target. So, if your mother or sister vehemently object to a woman you are with, take time out to re-evaluate that woman. Notice that I did not say leave her. If there is something to their objections, please let her go (you might actually be doing her a favor).

Remember: You want peace. You do not want to always settle a disagreement or something of the sort every other day. That aside, what kind of a man would you be if you left or disregarded your family and friends for a woman? A stupid man, that's what kind. Love is definitely not stupid. This is also why it is not very wise to have a secret relationship. The sooner people meet your partner the better for both of you. Besides, it takes time to fully accept someone, if you have an open relationship, you give them time to learn to love her. This goes both ways. A woman that refuses to meet the people closest to you or completely ignores them is giving you a sign that you're in for one hell of a ride (not a good one!). If she cannot tolerate them, at one point she's gonna ask you to choose. Then what will you do? Just so you know, I am not asking you to be a mama's boy or a molly cuddled man, nobody likes that either!

I know the heart chooses who it loves and not the mind (head) but I can bet my bottom dollar that it appreciates all the help it gets from the mind (head). There is no reason any one should stay in an unhappy relationship. The state of your emotions goes a long way in defining who you are and how you handle every other aspect of your life. You need a relationship that builds you, not one that tears you down. You stand just as much to lose as a woman in a bad relationship.

Love is no reason to lose your senses. They should be alert at all times. I know it's tough to look at your partner, find that they are the wrong fit and just let go. So, I'll say this,"if you mistakenly bought the wrong sizes of shoes, wouldn't you go back and exchange them for the right sizes?" You need to feel comfortable in what you wear. The same goes for relationships, if through the fights, the good times and the bad times you two find a way to be happy, then she's your perfect fit.

Note: Do not marry a woman that hasn't been through the bad times with you. If you're not likely to have one (this is my prayer for all my readers), then make one up. Check her durability and shelf-life...lol!!!

As always, this is coming from a heart full of love.