What Do Women Want? - 9

For some reason that still remains unknown to me, Mr. S acted like he was God's gift to women. I remember thinking to myself, "It's not that hard to be submissive to Mr. O, he's a gentleman but my stubbornness is now making me learn submission in the wilderness." I tell you, the two months I dated Mr. S made me appreciate and value Mr. O a whole lot more.

You know how a guy is so cute you forgive him almost any wrongdoings? Well, Mr. S was the exact opposite (keep in mind that beauty is in the eye of the beholder). Mr. S is about 5 years older than Mr. O and Mr. O is 5 years older than I am...I'm almost 5 years older than a 20 year old. Lol...I know...age is really creeping up on me. Mr. S is sexist. He's chauvinistic and he thinks he's always right. I could handle that. Keep in mind that I'm a feminist...I believe in gender equality and I truly believe no gender is greater than the other. We are just unique and have different purposes. So...I could have handled all that in Mr. S if he were an Alpha Male (leader of the pack, cute, amazing genes, etc). But he wasn't even a Beta. I'm good with Betas, Alphas are too much work. But he was closer to Omega.

How I tried. I really gave it my all. You know they say the best way to break a horse is to tame it while still enabling it to retain a bit of it's wild spirit. Well, since I broke myself, I kinda let a whole lot more than a little of my wild remain. I started to resist. Like the Israelites resisted the harsh reign of Pharaoh back in Egypt. Mr. S was also verbally abusive. And his temper was short. I guess he summed himself up and came to the conclusion that the only way he would be able to keep a woman was by breaking her spirit, by destroying her self-esteem. Ladies, watch out for wolves like these. My love language is affirming words...my secondary love language is acts of service. Coincidentally, Mr. O happened to speak my primary love language because it was also his primary love language. On that one, we got lucky.

Since my primary love language is affirming words, verbal abuse would actually go a long way in tearing me down. And on some days, it really did. I'd already be moody and down and then he would seal it with verbal abuse. Again, ladies, domestic violence comes in different forms. Abuse is the misuse of something. Abuse manifests itself in different ways; physical, verbal and sexual. Abuse is abuse no matter it's form. Sigh! It was a weary time. I almost let him get to me. Sometimes, I was tempted to believe I was what and who he said I was. But because I've spent so much time with this and helping others battle it as well...I quickly realized that the problem was him and not me. There was something broken in him that he never bothered to fix. On his good days, he would deny being verbally abusive. He was also intolerant and rigid. I'm like a little child. I retained so much of my inner child...I couldn't possibly last with someone intolerant and rigid.

I started to miss Mr. O. I figured we had a problem and every problem had a solution. If he was willing to try...I was willing as well. It was about time, we both grew a pair (no pun intended or implied).

To be continued...