An Open Letter To Mr. Maybe

Dear Mr. Maybe,

I'm truly not sure where to start. Sometimes, I feel you're THE ONE, my missing rib. Other times I wonder what I did that was so wrong that I'm being punished by being in love with you. I want so much more than you're willing to give,  more than you might ever be able to give me. I can't help feeling the way I do. It's tough on a lady when she's crazy about a man and he's not crazy about her. You switch extremities so fast I hardly know what to think anymore. One minute you're hot and I'm your queen and the next you're cold and I'm just a pest.

My love for you is obvious. I'm so obsessed with you that no other man stands a chance. I give of myself, wholly and completely to you. But, I always feel you hold back a part of yourself from me. It hurts that I can't have all of you. Is that too much to ask for? I don't want much, I just want to be secure in your love. The thing is, I'm not sure where I stand with you. Who am I to you? Do I have a space in your heart? Do you see us together forever or together for now?

You make me laugh. You're sweet. You're cute. You can be good. On the flip side; you can be a cruel, cold-hearted jerk. You're all I want in a man and everything I do not want in a man. You make me cry almost as much as you make me laugh. You boost my ego and then you shatter my self-esteem. You take me to highest highs and then you throw me free fall into the lowest lows.

You're the only one that doesn't see my love. We've been on and off then on and off again. I wouldn't call what we have healthy. It's dysfunctional, it's unhealthy and it's disturbing. Your hold on me is almost magical. I can't seem to break free. Tina Turner said(or sang), "what's love but a secondhand emotion...who needs a heart when a heart can be broken?". I finally get where she's coming from. That never used to make much sense to me. My question is; what's a firsthand emotion? I need a heart, even if it can be broken. I just need to know that I'm taking the risk with the right person. You're on the fence!

I don't want a perfect man. I know you're flawed and I'm okay with that. I'm not okay with you stringing me along though. You hurt me repeatedly and then you say sorry and I take you back into my arms and let you back into my heart. You don't know what it does to me to see you with other women. I see red. I'm completely overwhelmed by that green-eyed monster called jealousy. It's a miracle I haven't committed a crime of passion yet. I want to hurt you too...as much as you hurt me, but I can't. I'm too weak to make an ultimatum. I'm too pathetic to just up and leave.

Mr. Maybe, I've tried waiting for you...but I'm only human and I'm getting tired and losing hope. I can't wait forever for you to make up your mind. Waiting for you is like waiting for rain in a drought. Sad and disappointing(Cinderella). I want you...I truly do but the stress is eating me up...literally! Mr. Maybe, I'm scared that if I leave you, I won't ever come back. I need more than the occasional 'I love yous' I need your actions to back your words. I need you to step up and be the man that I know you can be. I need you to realize your potentials.

Okay, so maybe I'll wait a little longer. But that doesn't mean forever. Take a stand. I need to know!!!

P.S. sooner is always better than later.

With love,

Miss Confused