Romantic Dementia!!!

One of my favorite authors used this term in one of her books. The term literally jumped out at me. So, I decided to carry out a little research of my own. Yes, I'm perfectly aware that the term doesn't exist as a whole but they exist separately. I also know that to play with words, you have to be able to give old terms new meanings and that is what I've done. I'll start by defining the 2 terms as different entities. Romantic means something that pertains to an idealized form of love. Dementia means madness or insanity. So, together, Romantic Dementia means Insane Love or to be Mad With Love. Work with me, I'll make some sense soon.

Many of us go through this phase often. Again and again. Over and over. Simply put, romantic dementia is; A progressive decline in cognitive function due to damage or disease in the brain beyond what might be expected from normal love. Areas particularly affected include memory, attention, judgement, language and problem solving. Yes, I'm quite aware that it looks like I just listed the same symptoms of normal dementia. The difference between the normal one and the romantic one is that one involves aging and the other involves love.

Everybody has an idea of what love should be like. That idea is hardly ever realistic or practical. It's like we come up with this fantasies and then expect them to be. I have been a patient of romantic dementia from time to time and I'm pretty certain I'm not alone. The thing is, we go into love wearing rose colored glasses. With glasses like that, we only see what we want to see. Every other thing that requires a deeper look is too much trouble. Eventually, when we lose our beautiful rose colored lenses and then settle for normal lenses, we realize that we missed so many tiny warning signals. We keep wondering why the person we're with now, is different from the one we met initially. I have news for you, they're not different at all. You just overlooked so much.

Another of my favorite authors wrote, "I choose this time to love with all my intelligence." Do you know how hard that is to do. There's a reason we submit common sense to 'love'. The euphoria of being in love leads to the temporary loss of our ego boundaries. Meaning, falling in love is not really love. It is what happens after the smoke clears that counts as love. 2 people committed to staying together no matter what life throws at them is love. Love is never perfect. It's imperfect...always.

This is how to diagnose yourself.

Symptoms of Romantic Dementia

1. Loss of memory: This is when for some reason you forget that the person you keep going back to hurts you. This is when you forget the emotional turmoil and pain that comes with being with this person and still take them back. This is when you forget the countless times you cried yourself to sleep. Or the weeks on end of moving from one argument to another. It never crosses your mind that you're just incompatible because you're scared of being lonely and you're too dependent on them. You forget that love is at it's best when the 2 people involved remain independent individuals.

2. Craving attention: Agreed, there are days when your better half will be busy. But nobody's ever too busy to send a text. When you find that you're left craving for attention because you're easily dismissed by the one you love, something is wrong somewhere. You keep on dancing around them like a dog waiting, hoping, praying for crumbs of their time. The funny thing is, they probably have someone else they're giving their time to and so there's none left for you at the end of the day. Afterall, we only have 24 hours in a day! You shouldn't have to crave his/her attention, it should be freely given.

3. Poor judgement: How many times have you ventured into a relationship with someone who was beneath you intellectually? Tell me you've never noticed that you can probably do better if your brain wasn't so diseased and your mind so paralyzed with fear of your ending up alone. Poor judgement is when you go back to that person that doesn't respect you. That doesn't encourage you. That abuses you emotionally or physically. That person that leaves you feeling worse about yourself than you already do. Poor judgement is taking them back into your life and loving them again.

4. You lose your language skills: At this point, you find that nothing you say is interpreted the right way anymore. You're on the defensive and they are always on the offensive. You walk on eggshells around them. Even your body language is misconstrued. You spend every moment apologizing for sins you aren't aware of or even sure you committed. You're so scared of losing them that you stand for their injustice. Eventually, you learn to keep quiet and just watch and that ultimately does more harm than good.

5. You can no longer solve simple problems: Yes, you're dealing with more problems now but they aren't becoming any easier for you to solve. You no longer have the answers. The intelligent choice is not necessarily the smart choice. You become confused and deflated. How can you move on together when there's so many unsolved problems between you? Oftentimes, it's not that you can't solve the problem, it's that you don't even want to acknowledge the problem for fear of what the solution will be.

If you have any of the above listed symptoms, you're sick. Your relationship is sick. There's nothing healthy about it or you. You really need to give it up. You need to move past it. Get away from all that negative energy.

There's only one cure for Romantic Dementia and that is Discipline! You need to build your self-discipline so that you can leave and not stay tied down by fear. You have to make a clean break and make sure you make a better choice next time. It's better to love intelligently than foolishly.

Mantra: I choose this time to love with all my intelligence.