Does Age Matter?

I have to keep reminding myself that I have to look at this from different points of view. A reader asked me if age mattered when it comes to love. My reply? Yes and no. It depends on you and your beliefs. With someone like myself, age plays an important part of my choice. I am of the opinion that men mature late and yes I know that age isn't maturity, it's just that, age is also maturity. There's a certain level of maturity we expect from someone a certain age. We might forgive a younger person for being immature but we wouldn't do the same for an older person. Do you get that?

I actually have a personal experience that buttresses my point. When I was in my 3rd year in the university, I met this guy. You know I'm partial to tall men and he was definitely tall. 6ft4" to be precise. I liked him at first glance and that was all. He's cute, ofcourse I was attracted to him but that's only a normal human reaction. His name was Yemi. One day, I was stuck in a shop because it was raining and yemi approached me. I must explain at this point that not only do I not take to dating men younger than I am, I also don't like them being a step lower than I am either. It upsets the balance. For me. Other people make it work just fine.

Yemi was in his 1st year. I was willing to overlook that, we could be friends. We exchanged numbers and we stopped to talk whenever our paths crossed. While hanging out one evening, he professed his love for me. I was flattered. I was also dying to know his age. So, I asked. It shocked me to learn he was only 18. He was barely legal. My younger brother was a year older than he was. I was 21 at the time. I didn't want to hurt his feelings though and so I asked him to give me some time to think it over. I decided to go to an older girlfriend of mine and ask for her advice. She laughed so hard I was afraid she was going to rupture her spleen or something. After, she asked me what I was scared of. I listed them for her...I will for you too:

1. How would I ever introduce him to my younger brother as my boyfriend.

2. I know he's 18, but is that even legal or moral?

3. Shouldn't he be with someone closer to his age?

4. At some point he's going to want to act his age and that might bring about friction.

5. Do I ever want the disrespect that comes with him cheating with a girl that is guaranteed to be so much more younger than I am?

6. I can't be young for him. I really don't want to become insecure and jealous of his female friends that are younger than me, some of which already call me 'Sis'. At some point I'm going to wonder if they're mocking me.

7. I really don't want to be seen as a cradle robber.

Those were my fears. I also came up with pros for choosing him though:

1. It's flattering to be considered attractive by a younger man(or boy in this case).

2. He's young enough for him to not be jaded about love and life.

3. He's going to put in his best in the relationship. He'll want to make up for being young by being the best boyfriend ever.

4. He'll make mistakes but he'll always apologize.

5. He's young enough to think he always as to put me first.

6. He's a young puppy, puppies are easier to train than old dogs.

7. He's tall and he's very cute.

I had 7 points for each. It was drawn in the middle. Being who I am, I took that to be a sign that I give Yemi a chance and so I did. He was wonderful. He gave it his all. I was the problem. I wasn't inclined to holding hands with him in public. I wasn't willing to explain our relationship to anybody. Infact, I claimed to everyone that cared to know and even those that didn't care that he was my school son. I knew in my heart and in a little part of my head that nobody cared and that even if they did, only what I thought about it mattered. His friends took it in stride. They never disrespected me or anything. Still, I couldn't handle it. That put a strain on things.

There were also days that he would tell me what to do and I would just lose my damn mind. I was affronted that he thought he could tell me what to do. I didn't like him correcting me. I basically treated him like I would my baby brother. I loved him. I cared about him. But I had a lot of issues with being in a relationship with a younger man. So, what would I tell my readers? I would say, go for it! Age is just a number. But you have to be sure that it's a step that doesn't go against your personal beliefs. I can't honestly be in a relationship with a man that is more than 10-12 years older than I am. I don't have daddy issues. I'm not saying people that do, have daddy issues, I'm just saying that's my personal boundary.

Everybody has one of those. You shouldn't cross them if you want to have a wonderful relationship. If it's within your boundaries to date a man younger or so much more older than you are, go for it. Age shouldn't hinder love. I know so many people that it has worked out for. An uncle of mine is married to a woman older than him and you can't tell except you really know them. Love should be explored. It's worth the exploration. Love comes in different sizes, shapes and ages. Give it a chance, but only if you can deal with it. It doesn't matter what people think. What truly matters is what you think.

BTW; Yemi & I broke up after 3 months. The break up was very amicable. He got together with someone in his age group(I guess I made him lose his taste for older women...lol). We stayed friends...I love his girlfriend, she's a great girl. I was both happy for and jealous of that fact. All in all, I think I did the best thing for him and for me.

Adupeola