Sex & Your Relationship!

Love is not the sole determinant of a relationship. Love is just 10%. Other factors contribute to the relationship actually growing and lasting. I don't want to deviate, so I'll just talk about the most interesting and controversial factor - Sex.

Sex is a very touchy subject. The subject makes some people uncomfortable and others just can't stop talking about it. In this post, it might come across like I'm contradicting myself but I really need you to hang in there with me so as to really get my message.

Whether you want to admit it or not, sex plays a role in relationships. It might not always play a vital role, but it matters just as much as love sometimes. Other times, it proves the absence of love. Suit up readers, we're in for one turbulent adventure (please remember I'm not encouraging premarital sex, I would never do that).

I know the subject; sex, is very volatile, so I'll try my utmost best to handle it with care. Sex has a very precarious position in relationships nowadays. Why do I say that? Sex cannot hold a relationship. At the same time, sex can keep a relationship. Confusing? I know! Confused me at first too. Sex, like every other thing that brings about a reaction, has a method. This method, eludes all.

Sex, in itself, contradicts itself. I know love should prompt sex, but it isn't always the case. If it were, a lot of hookers would have stalkers. It's like math, tough at first glance but after a while you break it and solve it.

Sex without love is just that,sex, mere coupling, coitus, intercourse. Sex with love is beautiful and ethereal, most of you would refer to it has "making love" (regardless of the fact that love cannot actually be made). Forgive me, I'm a little cynical about the subject. I am able to differentiate between sex and love. Not an easy feat I must admit, but it is one you have to learn. Sometimes, sex affects men, but the real victims of sex are the women, so pardon me if most, if not all of this post is directed to them. The men are welcome to read as well, it will help you too.

Psychologists believe an emotional attachment accompanies sex. The ratings are higher in females. Relax, this is not a gender issue, I'm female too, remember? Is it true? You might ask. I'm not certain. But, I've discovered that if you have sex with someone long enough, you start to equate lust to love. This is what happens in cases where the 'other woman' is able to steal your man away (kindly forgive that expression).

Sex is not always the reason, but sometimes it is the only reason. I was conversing with an uncle of mine and he said that it is important to a relationship that a woman be sexually active. Two reasons I'm not going to place a lot of emphasis on his statement:

1. It is his opinion.
2. He is married.

Makes one wonder though...how many men share that same opinion? Is sex really that important to a man? It might be. But, I doubt that the ones in love make an issue out of it.

Ladies, your power over sex is just for as long as he doesn't get any from you (at all!). I am not saying once you have sex with him it is out of your control, I'm just saying why the hell would you deny your man of sex if you have already introduced him to it? You want to punish him? Fine! Punish him. Not by withholding sex. That is like giving him a free pass to cheat.

You see, men supposedly think about sex 15 times when they are awake (that's a lot, I know!) and women 3, in extreme cases 5. When you withhold sex and he goes out into the world and sees so many beautiful women willing to give him exactly what you won't and then some, what do you think is gonna happen? It's different if sex has not been brought into the relationship. Once it is, it's a little hard to withdraw.

I believe that when it comes to sex, your standards and what you believe is right goes a long way. If you do not believe in sex before marriage, do not let anyone change your mindset. If he really loves you, he will understand and respect your beliefs. Is there a probability he will cheat on you? Yes! That is one of the reasons sex is not the foundation for a relationship.

Some men are faithful by nature, that is just who they are. Others are prone to cheating and the rest are just plain unfaithful. The thing is, whether you have sex with a man or not, he might still cheat. So, if you are not ready, why take a risk on that probability?

Do not ever assume sex is enough to tie a man down. Heavens!!! Even kids don't tie a man down nowadays. If he wants you, really loves you, he's always going to be yours. Sometimes, the fact that they cheat doesn't mean they don't love you. I'm not trying to make excuses for their excesses. I am just as jealous as the average woman (if not more), I'm just saying sex will not guarantee his faithfulness.

There is this other funny issue. When a woman's sexual drive is higher than that of her man, she is tagged a 'nympho' (that is not even a real word by the way). Men, why drag your double-standards into sex? The only reason she is a 'nympho' is your ego. Her sexual drive questions your sexual prowess (Lol!). I think the world would be a better place if we all just let go of pride.

In conclusion, I just want to say that in my opinion, sex is a very beautiful and natural thing. I mean, can you be any closer to your partner than in that particular moment? That is why some partners fail to forgive unfaithfulness. They cannot believe you shared that magical moment with someone else. There is no such thing as "too much" sex except it involves a lot of partners. If you disagree with premarital sex, keep your body. Afterall, it is the temple of the Lord (do not lower your standards for ANYONE!!!). On the other hand, if you have no problem with sex, give it your best. What is the point of doing something and not doing it right?

Ladies, give your man something to miss. Men, if you really want to lord over something so bad; lord over the bedroom. With this liberation crap going around it's the best you can subject to your lordship in this era.

P.S. I happen to be one of those people that gets a little uncomfortable talking about sex while sober. I won't be able to help intensively if you ask me for help or advice. I might be able to refer you to someone that will help though.

Adupeola