Mending Hearts!!! - Depression

According to Wikipedia, depression is a state of low mood and aversion to activity that can affect a person's thoughts, behavior, feelings and sense of well-being.

Other definitions; A state of mind producing serious, long-term lowering of enjoyment of life or inability to visualize a happy future.

A period of unhappiness or low morale which lasts longer than several weeks and may include ideation of self inflicted injury or suicide.

In summation, depression is a mood disorder. I've always believed that someone that hasn't ever gone through it or risen above it is in no position to truly claim to understand. Only experience makes it easier to know just how badly a person who has depression is suffering. Depression is an illness. A form of mental illness.

In my country, Nigeria, we have Therapists, Psychologists, Psychiatrists, etc. Just like any other country. Our problem is our culture and beliefs. Most Nigerians still believe that only crazy people see therapists (shrinks). I remember this one time in school when a classmate was pouring out her heart to me. I suggested she see a therapist because I felt she needed counselling. She immediately said, "I'm not crazy!" Nothing I said was enough to prove to her that I didn't think that at all. Even confessing to have been frequently seeing one only made her wary of me. I'm hardly what you would call insane. Lol!

Even people who are trained specialists in these areas find it very hard to notice the symptoms in one of their own. They live in constant denial. They don't want to admit something is wrong even when everything points to that very fact. In my opinion, something triggers depression. A major change, a loss, SOMETHING. I want to start by enumerating the signs/symptoms of depression.

Symptoms of Depression

1. Feeling of hopelessness and helplessness: You have a bleak outlook for life. Nothing in life matters anymore since you're going to lose it anyway. You feel like things can only get worse never better.

2. Loss of interest in daily activities: Everything becomes boring. Even your former hobbies stop to command your interest.

3. Appetite and weight changes: You either eat very little or too much. Your weight changes dramatically. You can gain or lose more than 5% of body weight in a month.

4. Sleep changes: You don't sleep enough or you oversleep.

5. Loss of energy: You constantly feel fatigued or slow. You never have the energy to carry out little tasks anymore.

6. Anger or irritability: You have a short fuse all of a sudden. You can't tolerate anything anymore. Everything you hear comes across as a slight or slur. You're constantly snapping at everybody around you.

7. Lack of concentration: You find it hard to concentrate on one project. You don't have enough strength to just focus. It becomes hard to make decisions and even harder to remember things.

8. Reckless behavior: You feel inclined to do things that you know to be harmful and very risky. You become an addict of some kind.

9. Self-loathing: You hate yourself. You feel worthless. You feel guilty over mistakes that are your fault. You even feel guilty over those you believe to be your fault but really aren't.

10. Unexplained aches and pains: An increase in physical discomfort. You start to feel achy all over. Headaches, backpains, tummy aches,etc. Pains that can't easily be explained because sometimes it's all in your head.

The above are warning signs of depression. You must have been manifesting two or more of these signs over a period of time for it to even begin to qualify as depression.

Some have always been prone to depression. Yet, I want to believe it still takes a major emotional catastrophe to push them over the edge. Have you ever wondered why it seems that most people suffering from depression have no visible reason to be depressed? I have! Honestly, I understand why depressed people turn to something to elevate their distress. Things like, alcohol, drugs, food, sex, etc. That's why the underlying problem for most addicts is depression.

People who suffer from this disease never see it as a temporary problem. They see it as permanent. They honestly believe that the only way to escape it is to leave. That's why some succumb to their suicidal tendencies and just do it! Before I go on, I want to say that if you suffer from suicidal tendencies, you really need to seek help. Professional help. Suicide is not the answer.

I'll be blunt with you. Therapy won't make it go away. You might have to deal with it for the rest of your life, but it doesn't have to overpower you. It doesn't have to win. Depression escalates. You have to be stronger or you lose. When I was in that dark pit of helplessness, I was always wallowing in self pity...guess what happened after I gained a shitload(excuse my French) of weight? That's right, I fell deeper. Here I was thinking my life packed itself up in a basket and descended into hell, I fooled myself into thinking I had hit rock bottom and could only go up. My tug-of-war with my weight just proved that with enough force you can break a rock and sink even lower.

I would wake up at night and then cry myself back to sleep. I'm a very proud woman and the fact that I was going through all these just made it all worse for me. Then one day, it happened. I think I snapped. I could have sworn that I had a nervous breakdown. Yeah, I was always crying and drowning myself in vodka, but it was always in private. This particular attack came when I was in class receiving lectures. Everything the man said sounded sad and made me cry. I started to feel trapped in my body. I felt like I needed either out of my body or my immediate environment.

I had a friend who was a doctor. I met him quite by accident. He was always diagnosing me with all sorts of bullshit. But, when he complained about my mood swings and hysterics, I never say anything. I just keep quiet so he drops it. Instinctively, I knew he was the only one that could help me then. I called him up and he told me it might be healthy if I left the town and not just the class. I left for Ibadan(a city in Nigeria), along with my friend. The next morning, I went to his hospital. After several arguments(by me) all of which he tackled pretty well, I gave up and went to see a psychiatrist which he referred me to. And my therapy sessions began.

Therapy helps because sometimes you need to talk to someone. Someone that is paid not to judge you. Someone that will just sit down and listen. There are some things you can't talk about with friends or even family. Not because you don't trust them enough but because they are too private. Talking about them with a stranger, one who won't blame or exonerate you is just easier.

There are several causes of depression. They are;

1. Lack of social support.

2. Loneliness.

3. Recent stressful life experiences.

4. Family history of depression.

5. Financial stress.

6. Early childhood abuse or trauma.

7. Overemployment or underemployment.

8. Alcohol and/or drug abuse.

9. Marital or relationship problems.

10. Health problems or chronic pains.

11. Grief.

Any of these could be the underlying cause of depression. To be effectively treated, the cause must be identified so has to figure out what treatment would be best. Some can be treated by just changing the situation. Others with antidepressants. Others with therapy and some would need both antidepressants and therapy.

This post is for the benefit of those suffering from depression and those who have loved ones suffering from it. If your loved one suffers from depression, sometimes it's best just to listen to them. To show with your actions that you'll always be there for them. To do tiny things for them just to brighten their gloomy days. If you notice  suicidal ideations, persuade them to seek help or find a support group.

I've been there, I still do battle with it. I can be a listening ear and I don't judge. I'm far from perfect myself.

Contact me on; +2348086988620

adupeola@gmail.com