5 Ways To Identify Mr. Wrong (Edited)

I find that women are so busy dreaming up Mr. Right that they give no regard to Mr. Wrong. He exists too, doesn’t he? The truth is, 9 in every 10 women will first meet Mr. Wrong. Isn’t it necessary that you are able to identify him and see him for who he really is when he shows up? If I told you his attributes outright, being women, and the fact that you tend to be overwhelmed by your emotions, you still wouldn't recognize him!

Therefore, I am going to do you a favor and tell you what he would do to you (thank me later). Here goes:

1. He robs you of your self-esteem: It is a common fact that a woman, no matter how beautiful, proud, or independent she is; is susceptible to low self-esteem. Therefore, that is what Mr. Wrong takes away first. Once you are rid of your self-esteem, you become clingy and feel like you cannot do better than him. You literally become his slave because you fear that any mistake on your part might lead to your losing him.

Remember: Every woman is beautiful inside and out. You do not have to settle. You deserve the best of everything life has to offer you. Every time you look into a mirror, do not just see a woman, see a woman of inestimable value, see a mother of nations and see a queen. Ever heard of the proverbs 31 woman? That is who you can be, loved by all and sundry. Now, just love yourself as well. If refusing to settle means being single for a season, so be it. Your Mr. Right is being given last minute instructions. Hang in there! 

2. He abuses you emotionally and/or physically: Mr. Wrong will abuse you in one way or both ways. Since he has already robbed you of your self-esteem, you stay in the relationship hoping and praying he changes, that he loves you back, that he stops hurting you. You feel like you have to stay in the relationship, at some point you even start believing you are the cause of his misbehaviors. You begin to accept that you deserve to be punished.

Remember: An abusive relationship is very dangerous. You should get out and fast! Only a cowardly man hits a woman. There is no excuse for that kind of behavior. In fact, my advice would be that when you get out of such a relationship, you should first report the ‘man’ to the authorities and then sign yourself up for therapy or counseling. You are going to need it. He is not going to change, EVER! Do not wait around for him to, he won’t! And your staying and keeping mute is dangerous not only for your health but for your life. Please take my advice. Please get out.

3. He only remembers you when he is bored: There comes a time in a relationship when partners (especially men) become bored and in need of a distraction. Refuse to be his distraction. I notice that recently when a man admits to already having a woman in his life he is said to be honest. I disagree! In what way is he honest?  He is after all lying to his ‘real’ woman. You think she knows you exist because you know she does? Common, stop fooling yourself. If you go into a relationship like that, do not expect anything more but you can sure as hell expect waaaaaay less. You are nothing more than a new toy whose attraction will wear off with time. Please understand that I am not trying to or even judging anyone in that kind of situation. Right now, I am just looking out for you. Trust me, I’ve been there too. Only bad thing was I knew better. Hanging on to a dream that will never become a reality is a waste of your time and the wonderful essence that is you.

Remember: You want to be the woman he is scared to tell about another woman. If he can tell you he has another, you are just a plaything and you are so much more than that. If a man tells you he is going to leave his wife, his girlfriend or his fiancée for you please do not even be tempted to believe him. For one, he might not ever leave her and just continue to string you along and waste your time. Secondly, you do not want to be a home-wrecker and cause the heartbreak of another sister. If he were yours, he would not have along extra cargo. Hold on for your Mr. Right, ma’am.

4. He uses you: Because he knows the level of your commitment towards him, he uses you. I am not saying do not commit. I am saying commit to the right person. You become his servant instead of his beloved woman. Have I not pointed out that submission in no way means becoming a doormat? You can refuse to be used, it is a conscious choice.

Remember: You deserve so much more than you usually settle for. You should be with someone that appreciates you and everything you bring to the table not someone that takes it all for granted. You should be with somebody that sees you has a wonderful addition to his life and not just some pest. You should be with somebody that sees you as the light in his dark times, his helper, his partner, his lover and friend and not someone that just wants to be ‘bed-buddies’.  Make that choice today, say no to being used and taken for granted and just walk out with your head held high. You can do it, I know you can. I believe in you.

5. He does not do his part: He lets you initiate calls, he lets you initiate dates. He does not feel the need to do more than be physically present. You feel obligated to do everything. After all, someone has to keep the relationship running smoothly. It is the man’s job to be the initiator. Him making you do all the work is just wrong and a tad lazy, don’t you think? Do you really want to be with a ‘lazy dater’ (a man that is just with you because you were the convenient choice not because he treasures you and wants to actually be with you)?

Remember: You are not to clamor for his love he should clamor over yours.  A man that is truly the right choice would want to impress you and not do anything that might lower his worth before you. When a man slacks in his duties towards you, he is definitely the wrong choice. Moreover, you want the right choice. Every woman wants that. It is your entitlement. You were formed from man’s rib and you have to let the man missing a rib come find the perfect fit; that happens to be you.

In the words of my Bishop, “God will not stay in heaven and plan your hurt on earth.” Take heart my sister and wait it out. Just so you know, the worst is already over if you can admit to yourself that you are in a god-awful relationship and somehow find the strength to leave.

Dupe loves you all and wants the best for you as well so please read this post carefully and evaluate your relationship. A minute longer in a bad relationship can bring you a lifetime of hurt and pain. Be strong!!!

With love,

Adupeola