A Real Man Is...

Real men are a scarce commodity. For every 10 men you meet on a daily basis, only 2 are real men. This is not something you can teach a man (learned that the hard way), a man has to evolve to this point on his own. Now, I'm not saying that the fact that he hasn't evolved into a man means he never will. I'm just saying it's detrimental to your emotional, psychological and physical health to wait and find out. You go from one round of pain to another. Only a real man knows how to be there for a woman. When he's stuck in the boy phase, no matter how happy you are, you still feel something missing. I want you to know a little of what points out that you're with a real man.

Attributes of a Real Man.

"A real man knows to mix bravado with a little sensitivity." - Anonymous

1. A real man treats every woman the way he wants his mother, sister or daughter to be treated: I'm a strong believer in the law of karma. I have always been known to say out loud that if you keep finding yourself in lousy relationships, go to the men in your immediate family and ask them to stop maltreating women. Real men make tremendous efforts to treat all women nicely and with respect. It doesn't matter to them who she is, what she's done and if they may never meet again. They treat every woman like a lady. They open doors for them. They relieve them of heavy stuff. They refrain from using foul language in their presence and they try not to get involved in squabbles with them. Ladies, you know he's a real man when he let's an old woman cut the line. You know from the way he treats your female friends. The way a man treats women is very important.

2. A real man takes responsibility: We already know that it is a requirement for a man to be responsible. When I say responsible, I mean more than just the superficial meaning. It's more than him having a good job or providing for the family. A real man takes responsibility for everything that goes wrong in his relationship. A woman goes to her man and says, "I've not been happy in this relationship lately." A lesser man would say, "If you're so unhappy, leave." A real man asks, "Why? Is there something I can do to make you feel happier? What do you need? What's wrong?" No real man wants to give his woman an excuse to leave and he will never be the first to point that out to her. He would rather try harder to make her happier than push her away.

3. A real man takes care of his child no matter his relationship with the mother: It's not a crime for a man to already have children from a previous relationship. Nowadays, it has become so common. Why I will not call it ideal, I wouldn't say it's a bad thing either. What's bad is if you're with a man that tells you he has a child with another woman but he never sees the child or even tries to be there for the child. It doesn't matter if he thinks his baby mama is Satan's first born! His child is his child and whether he likes it or not, he has a bond with that woman forever. A real man would be able to work through all the hurt and hatred or whatever it is that tore them apart, and be there for his child and be civil to his baby mama. A man that can't accomplish that feat is a "no-go" area for you.

4. A real man is honest: No matter what it is, no matter what he has done, you can always trust him to be honest. Only a cowardly man hides from the truth. Even if what he did could cost him his relationship, a real man would still rather tell the truth. How would you even begin to doubt a man that is always upfront and honest. It works to his advantage as well. Because of his honesty and integrity, no matter what you hear about him, you choose to forget. If it were true, he would have told you already.

5. A real man doesn't make his woman jealous of other women, he makes other women jealous of her: Only a boy would think he has a greater chance of keeping his woman if he makes her feel like his ex, or his female friends are better than she is. Only a boy would assume that making a woman feel insecure in her relationship is the smartest move. A real man brags about his woman to everyone that cares to listen and even to those that would rather not. He loves her and he wants the world to know that. He would be the last person to make her feel like she isn't enough.

6. A real man leaves the past in the past: A real man leaves the past behind. He doesn't dig around in his woman's past or wants to know the names of the people she has been with. He only cares about them right now - the present. An older friend of mine once told me something. He was trying to explain to me the benefits of letting go of the past. He got married last year. A few weeks to his wedding, a couple of 'friends' came to his place. During the course of their stay, they told him his fiancee was a call girl. He smiled and told them that she already told him and that he doesn't care. I had to ask if she really did and he said, "She never told me and I'm sure she has her reasons. I know she won't do it anymore and she's just probably embarrassed by it even though I don't care. I'm never going to let her know I know because it was in the past. I'm her present and future now." I was shell-shocked! Here was this man that loved his woman enough to understand and put himself in her shoes. Today, they're happily married and have a child together...I hear baby No. 2 is on its way.

7. A real man never hurts a woman: Only a cowardly man hits a woman. He does it because he cannot stand up to men like himself. A real man would never raise his voice at a woman not to talk of hitting her or beating her up. He knows she is to be treated as a priceless jewel, a queen. He was made to protect her not be the one she needs protection from. He will never stand for his woman being disrespected and he would never disrespect her. A real man knows it's wrong to make a woman cry and he tries to avoid doing that.

8. A real man has real intentions: When a boy is on the rampage for a girl, he's searching for new game. A new sexual conquest. But when a real man goes in search of a woman, he's looking for someone worth wake up to for the rest of his life. A woman he can share every side of him with.  A woman that would be his wife, sister, friend, lover and #1 fan. He wants something meaningful and whole. Not something that fades with time. With a real man, as they grow older...it runs deeper.

9. A real man never stops showing his woman how much she means to him: No matter how long they've been together, 10 months or 10 years,  a real man never stops letting his woman see how much she means to him and how lucky he feels to have her in his life. It's more than buying her gifts and taking her out to dinner (although that doesn't hurt either), it's about letting her see your heart through your actions each and every day. I don't need a psychic to tell me how much my mum means to my dad. I see it in the way he looks at her and the way he lowers his voice when he's talking to her. He's crazy about her and she knows it and she has known it for the past 25 years and this not only makes her secure, it makes her stick it out with him through thick and thin.

10. A real man stays faithful: A real man stays faithful to one woman. A real man never enters into another relationship while still fully involved in a previous one. He doesn't have the time to run after other women when he has the one he really needs. He would rather spend the little extra time he has on finding new ways to show her he cares. He knows that one is all he really needs. He knows how much it hurts to be cheated on and so he doesn't do it. He gives his heart and his word to one and he remains faithful to her.

The attributes listed above are what really separates the boys from the men. Trust me, you want a man. You're never going to be satisfied with a boy. Remember that real men cannot be identified by their ages but by their attributes. There is so much more to a real man...but I decided to break it down and just feed you with 10 of these attributes. Maybe in a later post we'll touch some more. Until then, assess your man and if you've got a real man, hold him dear.

Adupeola