The Lady - (Part1) Bishop T.D Jakes

I am a very fast reader. Anybody who knows me will tell you that much about me. I'm addicted to books, to reading. I started reading extensively a little early. I think I was 6 going on 7 when I picked up my first adult sized novel. So, you can see why it came as quite the surprise to me when it took me approximately 24 hours to finish the first 84 pages of this book.

Seriously ladies, this book is a must read. I thought I would be able to summarize it like it's done in book clubs, but there is no way I can do this book any justice. I'm a great writer, but I wouldn't be able to still let you get what the author means. The book goes into full details on how wonderful women are.

If you have been hurt or abused, physically, emotionally, verbally, this book contains steps towards healing your unseen scars. I must confess that I got to a point yesterday, that I just burst into tears, I was going to stop reading because it hurt too much to. After I had cried myself to sleep, I woke up and couldn't bring myself to continue reading. I woke up this morning with the mindset to finish what I had started and I did. I teared up again, but this time, the tears cleansed my soul.

Now, I'm not saying I'm totally healed. Neither am I telling you that reading a book is the first step to your healing. I am just stating that if you read this book, you will find the strength to forgive yourself. You know God has already forgiven you. Most times, it's us not forgiving ourselves. Also, you'll forgive the ones that hurt you. Letting go is tough. But it leaves your heart healthy.

There is no way you can have a good relationship with anybody if you do not love yourself. You will never feel worthy enough for the love you recieve. If you carry your past hurt, pain and disappointments into a new relationship, it's only a matter of time before it falls apart. A man can only handle so much. And just so you know, no man can heal you. You have to look inwards for your healing.

I know some ladies are trapped in an abusive relationship because they feel somehow that they deserve it. No you don't. You deserve the best of everything life has to offer. You were created to be pampered and protected(trust me, that doesn't make you any less independent). I remember one time, long ago, I had a very sweet friend that I often took for granted. One day, I fell ill. It was the flu. The moment he heard, he was all over the place. He got me drugs, he bought me food. The drugs he bought me would have been sufficient for atleast 4 people. That's the way it should be.

We have so often spoiled the status quo by tagging ourselves 'independent'. I am as guilty of that as you are. While it isn't bad to be independent and able to come to your own rescue, you should leave room for a man to be your hero as well. Even if you earn more than your man let him provide just to satiate his ego. If he gets you something and you attempt to pay him back(no matter how subtlety) or you get him a more expensive gift, you're likely to bruise his ego.

If he doesn't have to provide for you, or protect you, or be there to help you fix things, what's the point of him being in your life. He would sooner leave and go be with somebody that needs him. Sometimes, your men leave because they feel you don't need them anymore. That's how the other woman wins, by showing him he's needed. And so he pulls away from you and you're left cold. You love him, you're just self-sufficient. Even if you can handle everything, give him a chance to be your knight sometimes. It's easy to make a man turn irresponsible. All you have to do his do his job for him. That destoys you, the man and your relationship.

Also, you have got to learn to love your own company. You have got to learn to say no. You can't do and be everything to everyone. You need to take a break from time to time. You need some time for yourself. What makes you happy and relaxed? Take time out to do those things. Try new stuff alone. You don't always have to be with your partner. Men hate clingy women. There has to be a balance between be my hero and independent woman. Balance is a necessity. You've got to be able to look in the mirror and love yourself regardless of your size, wrinkles, scars, stretch marks, etc. You've got to love you because that's the only way you learn to love others.

Protect your heart. Not everybody deserves your love. Not everybody deserves your friendship. You have to be able to choose very carefully the kind of people you let into your life. The kind of people you give the power to sow words into your life. Lots of things can be forgotten with time but not demeaning words. Not words that were said for the sole purpose of tearing you down. They always come back to haunt and taunt you. This is why you have to be careful the kind of people you give your time to.

Ladies, not every thing that glitters is gold. Try not be superficial or vain. Looks, material properties are not a true judge of a man's characters. A man can have a fine face but an ugly heart. Do not be swayed by who he is or what he has. Let his heart do all the talking to you. You want a good man that will become a great husband and a wonderful father. Don't risk your future happiness, don't risk your children's happiness.

Wives, you have a three-fold job. You have to be first of all, a wife then a mother and a help meet. You have to go to work for 9 hours, come back home and cook, tend to the children's needs and then after you put them to bed, you have to go tend to your husband's needs. It's quite easy to lose ones mind. You are tempted to sink yourself into one role and neglect the others. But you can't do that. You have to keep a perfect balance. All three roles are important. You just have to once in a while explain to the family that you want to take time out for yourself. They know how hard you work. Trust me, they will go as far as waiting on you. At the very least, you'll get an hour to yourself.

I'm not married. But, I have such great role models. I see how they juggle the 3 roles. And I also see how on some days, we are told not to disturb because she wants some me time. Taking time out for yourself is not a crime. It's not being selfish. It's very healthy and prevents you from wearing out.

Ladies, I have learnt so much from this book and I have only finished the first part. It has put me on a path to healing now that I know that I can only find healing looking inwards. It starts from me. It is my dearest wish that you all have a copy of this book. But I will still try my best to pass its message across.

Remember : Evil is wrapped in a pretty package, and the devil can shop at Armani and drive a Ferrari. - Bishop T.D Jakes