Adupeola's Blueprint For A Great Relationship

1. Love(Foundation): I'm sure you've heard often how beautiful love is. You've been lectured on how no one can actually go through life without it. We've been told how it's so intense it makes the world go round. Many of us, having experienced it, can tell how it leaves their head perpetually in the clouds. It is sometimes said love is enough to bring a loved one back from the clutches of death. Enough love and you can barely hear the thunder! Love seems simple and easy, right?

Wrong! Love is hard. It's hard work. You have to pull your own weight. You have to protect it. You have to nurture it. You have to help it grow. You know how they say love should be the foundation of a relationship, why didn't they say love should be the very structure of a relationship?  It's because love in itself is not enough. Every house needs a strong foundation so it doesn't sink or collapse. The foundation should also be strong enough to build on. I don't know a lot about architecture,  but I know that it takes a shitload of bricks to complete a building (excuse my language). That's excluding a lot of other materials like wood, cement, steel, etc.

Likewise, a relationship needs more than love to thrive. The things is, even though we all pray for love that never fades, sometimes it does. Sometimes, you find that you love your spouse/partner but you're no longer in love with them. You know what keeps you together and committed to one another despite feeling that way? The other elements that make up the building that is your love. Passion dies, lust is eventually quenched and then you're just left with a person. Can you live with that person for the rest of your life?  Are they ever going to be enough for you? If you take your time to build your relationship right using all the proper elements, eventually you can fan the ambers of love and make it burn bright and hot again.

2. Compatibility(Bearing wall&Girder): According to the dictionary, it means the state of being compatible; in which 2 or more things are able to exist or perform together in combination without problems or conflict. That's not to say there will never be conflicts or a clash of opinions in a relationship. It just means that your level of compatibility will make them few and far between. You will always find a way to work through the conflicts amicably and like 2 adults.

3. Trust(Sub-floor): The place of trust in a relationship cannot be emphasized enough. It is a necessary evil. You have to trust your spouse/partner. How can you claim to love someone and not trust them completely. Granted the human nature is prone to betraying trust but still you just gotta. A relationship without trust is like a building without cement, everything falls apart. Most relationships and marriages today crumble because of lack of trust. You can never because of your partner's past not trust them. The moment you decided to venture in a relationship with them, you made it clear that it wouldn't be a problem. Why don't you trust them then? If you can't trust someone no matter how hard you try, you probably shouldn't be with that person. Even when trust is betrayed and crumbles, after the 'wounds licking' phase, immediate attempts should be made to rebuild it.

4. Communication(Bearing Partition): I could go ahead and give the scientific definition of this term but it might not properly sink in. Everybody already knows what the dictionary says about it. The transfer of information from a sender to a reciever through a channel of choice without distortion and getting a feedback.
One word there catches my eyes though, distortion. That simply means that 'without distortion' equals no misunderstanding. If the information transfer is distorted, then communication can be said to have failed. Men and women communicate differently and so as a result, a lot of misunderstanding arises. Women are more in touch with their sensitive side whereas men try their possible best to suppress that part of them.

Sometimes women unload on men not because they want them to tell them what to do or fix their problem, but mostly to just talk to someone about it. To have you for that moment listen to her and just hold her while hating the world just because she hates it. The problem though, is that men hear something totally when women talk. It's like we don't speak the same language.

I remember this one time I was in a terrible mood and I was telling a male friend of mine how frustrating everybody was and he just said maybe I was the problem and he started to lecture me and I just went berserk. Trust me, that conversation did not end well...for him. Sometimes we just want you to listen. If we get the feeling that you're listening, we probably won't repeat it and then you won't feel nagged. If there's any upset in the relationship, talk about it and then talk through it. Communicate!

5. Tolerance(Ceiling Joist&Top Plate): You are both coming from different backgrounds. There's no way you have the same opinion about everything. Tolerance is basically accepting and being patient with the other person's opinions. Let me state a funny example, my mum squeezes the toothpaste from the middle(that really gets to me), infact she squeezes everything that is in a tube from the middle, I don't think she even notices she does that. Dad, on the other hand, squeezes from the bottom (lol, it's important in my line of work to be observant of human nature). To the best of my knowledge they have never fought about it. Now take me, I'm not in their relationship, but I swear to you, there's no time I borrow a tube of face cream or toothpaste from mum that I don't see red.
I came to the conclusion that I might not easily tolerate something like that from a partner. Tolerance is important because eventually the rose-colored glasses fall off and you finally see your partner's flaws. Can you live with them forever if you have to? You might not like the way they eat, the way they laugh, the way they talk and so many other habits. For crying out loud, you can be a frugal person, you don't buy anything unless you really need it and you never exceed your planned budget plus you save like crazy. Your partner on the other hand, while not a total spendthrift, is very extravagant. Try all you want to change them, but some day they're just gonna come home with something fancy and completely useless but expensive as fuck(pardon my language). Lol! Without tolerance that's enough to break a relationship. But, with tolerance he gets to sleep on the couch for the night and she is ignored and backed all through the night. The next morning, everything is back to normal.

6. A Forgiving Heart(Ridge Board): There's no way, no how, during the course of your relationship that your partner won't hurt or offend you. You have to forgive to help your relationship grow. No matter the offense, no matter the 'mistake'(except domestic violence of course), you have to find a place in your heart to forgive them so you can grow together. Sometimes, I tell my friends, you have to forgive them in advance. You don't know what they're going to do yet. You don't know if its going to be something as small as leaving the toilet seat up or as big as cheating on you, either way, you gotta make up your mind to forgive. Holding on to your partner's past wrongs, makes you bitter, unhappy and depressed. It makes them unhappy, insecure and tired. You just have to be strong enough to let it go. The fact that they hurt you(again, except domestic violence) and you didn't leave shows you love them still. Don't poison your love with unforgiveness. If possible, seek counseling. If that doesn't do it for you, get on your knees and ask God. He's the greatest counselor there is.

I'm not very conversant with architectural terminologies so I hope I got the basics right *fingers crossed*. Lol!

For everyone that has been enquiring after when I will start writing about relationships again. I hope this post shows that I will be doing more on that from now on.

Also, as always, if you have any questions or topics you want me to touch, just send me a message.

adupeola@gmail.com

Adupeola 'Hayourmedhey' Odewale on Facebook

P.S. I'm considering getting an official line...the moment I do, I will post it. I would appreciate if it is only used for official purposes though! Thank you.

Adupeola