How Time Flies...

I was sitting down in my room counting down to Christmas. I must have mentioned that it was my favorite holiday at some point. For some reason that is completely unknown to me, when Christmas is around the corner, joy begins to bubble in my heart. Nothing can get me mad. Nothing depresses me. Nothing! So, it came as quite the surprise when this year, something did. I was filling a form online and I got to the age part. I must tell you how denial works with me first. If I'm in denial about something, I tend to completely believe the lie my heart comes up with to protect me. I've been a different age on paper and another one in my head.

For some reason, my cloud of denial cleared and it came in loud and clear to me; I'm getting older. I wasn't expecting to grow younger, I just wasn't expecting to grow up so fast. There are lots of things I can't get away with anymore. From the moment I reached the age of becoming a legal adult, I've struggled with adulthood. It just isn't in me to be one. Sometimes, I'll do some things and even I would concede that I probably shouldn't be tagged an adult yet...by anybody. I've had so many different opportunities to prove my maturity and I failed at every one. It's like my subconscious is determined to stay a child forever.

I still never learn from my mistakes. I still need to be led from time to time by my parents. I'm independent, except for where it really matters. I remember thinking a little while ago that with me especially, mum didn't cut the apron string soon enough. By the time she decided to, I already had a spare so I just reattached it. I get why most women dread every birthday. I know I've started to. Every year reminds me of how close I am to being old. It also leaves me wondering if I made the right choices so far.

I cannot say that I'm excited about my next birthday. I'm not. I really don't want to grow up so fast. This year, I can wait forever for Christmas. I just want a little more time. I don't know anything right now, so I want to wait till I know. I don't know anything, people!!! I don't know what I want to do next. I don't know which road to travel on in life. I don't know what I want in life. I don't know what I want in a man. What I do know is, if I don't know what I want, I can't have it. Every year, as I grew older, I discarded the dreams I had as a child. I started to think I wanted something else. And I do! I just don't know what it is yet.

That's why I'm weary about the new year. I've reached that age where I have to start each year with goals in mind and I'm scared that I'll fail again. There has to be a way for me to figure out things, right? I want to start looking forward to my birthdays again. I don't want to have to pretend like I don't remember what day it is anymore.

Sigh...counting down to Christmas. I know when it's here, I'll be happy again. I'll also find a way to grow up gracefully and thankfully. Many are dead...it counts for something that I'm still alive, I might not know why I am...but it counts.

Wonderful readers, start getting your New Year's resolutions ready. We've got to make goals and achieve them in 2015.

It's been 12 wonderful months. I am so thankful for your support, your criticism, your being involved. You're the reason I write, because many of you now look forward to my writeups. If it wasn't for you, I would have gotten bored and quit.

Thank you....thank you...thank you. I love you guys...so much. Let's have so much more fun next year!

Lol...I can already hear Christmas carols everywhere...

Merry Christmas and Happy New Year in advance.

Adupeola