My Dilemma...

I have always been addicted to sweets (every kind of food or junk that contains enough sugar to make you high). Lol...but seriously, I'm talking about cakes, pies, hardboiled sweets, gooey centered candy, ice cream, chocolates, local candy, soda etc. I doubt I've ever gone a day without indulging. I doubt I can make it through a day without.

Like every other form of addiction, mine was/is quite serious and a real disease. Despite knowing the various risks and eventual results of indulging in sweets, I still cannot help myself. This is the kind of dilemma most addicts go through. Even when they find out or see the awful results of their addictions, they still find it very hard to just stop or quit. It has become some sort of a sustenance. Without it, they will always feel empty.

Yes I loved sweets as a child. But I was a child then. It didn't become a major addiction until two years ago. It started quite innocently. Whenever I was bored, lonely, blue, hurt, disappointed, heartbroken, depressed (I'm sure you get where I'm going with this), I turn to sweets. I would just go out and get me packs of my favorite brand of chocolates and go through it fast. I found that when I had enough sugar in my system it gives me a quick jolt of happiness. Even if I started it crying, by the time I'm done with the pack, I would be laughing at some joke in my head.

I'm mostly an introvert and since I very hardly share I just down my worries in sweets. Sweets and alcohol. While I will not call myself an addict of the latter, I find it sorts of balances me out. But I also have physical reactions as a result of my actions. In that 2 years, I gained so much weight in a way I haven't in the past. So much so that I have no idea as to how to begin to drop it (did I mention that I'm also a tad lazy? Lol! Tad might just be an understatement).

Enough about that though. I recently found out that my addiction might not just stop at edible stuff it might include humans of the male gender to be precise. The ones wrapped up in yummy covers and glazed with sugar-coated tongues. Yummy!!! I find these specimens so irresistible am not sure if I would be able to chose between them and my sugary comforts. But then again I wonder if I'm ready to plunge in completely into a commitment (keeping in mind that not every male in the age range I have in mind is interested in commitments). It's like a puzzle. Only I'm missing the most important piece. I know I know the theory of relationships.  Hell, I'm practically a Love Doctor!  Still, isnt there a saying that says, "doctors are the worst patients"?

I know that I happen to be loyal to a brand of chocolate,  men aren't chocolates though are they? Despite being very simple creatures, I doubt the intensity of deceit that they spurt is worth the hard work. I know all these and still when these sweet infused men come my way, they worm their way into my heart and I develop a soft spot for them. If not for my uncontrollable fear of getting hurt despite knowing better, I would have been minced meat!  I never feel like because I'm single that I'm missing out on anything. I'm not incomplete. I'm quite focused. Then again, the people around me at times talk to me like I have a problem or something. I guess our culture still finds it hard to grab the fact that some women can actually rock single life and be cool with it and just be patient and let what will be, be in it's own time.

I want so many things that a commitment will just get in the way of. Not saying I always have it together.  Some days I feel the urge to love and have a companion that I know will always be there for me. But trust me, that feeling totally subsides when I rearrange my priorities. I want it all, husband, home, kids, the works but I also want, money, a PhD,  good success, a wonderful career, recognition for my accomplishments both academically and professionally. I'm not the kind of woman to settle or let go of a dream. For me, it's all or nothing. I'm not leaving one for the other. They have to come together and work out the way I created it in my mind.

Lol...what's next?  No fucking idea...but tomorrow is always better than today. It's not about RIGHT NOW but MUCH LATER. I guess my addiction to sweets isn't really that much of a big problem anymore. Everyone needs something and I'm glad I found something that doesn't want anything in return. There...so much better to write it down than to keep it in!

P.S. Tips on losing weight fast but healthy will be totally appreciated.

ayomideodewale92@gmail.com or adupeola@gmail.com

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