Why Did He Cheat?

Contrary to popular belief, not all men cheat. Being a cynical person, you should probably take my word for it. The only reason I believe for a fact that not all men cheat is because I've met men like that, they(non-cheating men) happen to make up like 0.0000000000000009% of my friends. I've noticed how often women cling to a man that cheats on them. It's like the more he cheats, the more they want to try to keep his attention. In my opinion, that's a stupid notion, one that I'm guilty of as well. I've often wondered what pushed men to step out on their women(not saying that women don't step out on their men either, but that is another post on it's own). If you're like me, I'm sure you'll want to atleast understand, though not accept(I will never ask you to accept cheating) why men cheat.

If you've ever been cheated on, you know it's not something you would readily wish someone dear to you experience. The feeling of betrayal, your wondering why you weren't enough, the plummeting of you self-esteem, the hurt you carry around in your heart for months, sometimes years. It's like the experience breaks something inside you that can never be completely fixed again. Being cheated on, leaves you with trust issues. You never consciously trust another person completely again. You expect people to hurt you. You build invisible walls around your heart. While some find it in them to forgive the perpetrators, others never do. Cheating can be physical or emotional. Either one isn't easy to swallow.

Reasons Why Men Cheat;

1. Different understanding of the relationship: Ladies, this is why I emphasize on asking a man to define his relationship with you. You might assume you're exclusive while he still sees the relationship as open. Men in this situation do not believe they are cheating afterall they made no promises to be monogamous. They never get why you're so mad at them. To avoid this, after 3 months of going steady with the same man, have 'The Talk'.

2. Clingy woman: Although this is no excuse for cheating, men tend to stray if their woman is too clingy or possessive. The truth is, the more you hang on desperately to a man, the more he becomes desperate to escape. 90% of men are commitment phobes. They easily tire of your nagging and always telling them what to do. If they have any reason to believe your life revolves around theirs, in a moment of panic, they might slip up. I'm not making excuses for them, I'm just saying it like it is.

Your husband might want a paramour that wouldn't expect too much from him, someone he won't feel guilty about walking out on when he gets bored. Your boyfriend might want a side chick that lets him run wild. The bad thing about this is that, although they never intended to hurt you, they end up doing so. Especially when the fall in love with the 'other' woman. Learn to give your man his space. Retain your individuality. Have a life outside your relationship.

3. The thrill: For some men, the only reason they cheat is because they like the excitement that comes with taking a risk. Calculating ways not to get caught, planning secret rendezvous, all these gets their adrenaline rushing and some people just can't get by without their adrenaline fix. They never stop to think about the consequences of their actions because they are confident they will never get caught. The women they cheat with appeal to their sense of adventure. They are nothing more than a means to get a rush.

4. Their needs aren't met in the relationship: This is a tricky one. I've always believed that there isn't anything communication couldn't fix. It is my opinion that men in situations like this never took the time to talk things out with their partner and so sought relief somewhere else. If there was something lacking, the manly thing to do would have been to try and fix it. If you can't fix it on your own, get professional help. The problem is men like these, never give their all in a relationship. So, it's easier and more convenient for them to seek what they want outside than go through the trouble of fixing what's wrong with their relationship. I call this men, wimps.

5. Bad association: I once told a friend of mine after she complained about her man's friends, that if your man keeps company with other men that cheat, it's only a matter of time before he succumbs to their influence. He'll be teased into it. In his feeble attempt to prove he isn't pussywhipped(pardon my french), he'll try it out. And then it becomes and habit. If you notice his friends are bad influences, talk to him about it, let him reassure you that he won't stray...his word and his pride might stop him from doing so.

Normally, I would tell you not to date a man like that if you don't want to have to deal with that particular kind of fireworks later on. If you were married already, I would say, put your foot down and tell him not to spend too much time in their company or rather invite the bad ones over a lot just to keep an eye on them. Eventually, they'll get it and be distant friends with your man and you never get blamed for causing the distance. Men don't know what's good for them. You have to help them realize it.

6. They can't say no: A couple of men are sex addicts. Yes, it really exists and it's just as potent as any other addiction. They are powerless to say no when seduced. I've often heard women say men wouldn't cheat so often if there weren't women ready to cheat with them. True!  But what about sex workers?  Men like this can't be completely blamed for stepping out. They are sick. They need professional help. I'm not excusing their behavior, but I understand how hard it is to kick an addiction. Their partners need to be strong and ready to help them get better. Not every woman can do this. I know I can't. I'm too territorial. The best thing to do is to enter a relationship with a man like this, with your head and not your heart. God knows you're going to need mental strength to get through it.

7. They are men: I know this contradicts my first statement that not every man cheats, but it's a valid reason. It's the most obvious one too. For some reason, men think about sex 15 times a day. Some more than that. They see all sorts of beautiful women during their daily activities. Some of these women might come on to them. They(the men) might flirt with them(the women) as well.

No man can see a beautiful woman walk by and not steal a glance(especially if she's well endowed). Only a liar will claim he didn't or wouldn't look. It's okay if he knows where to draw the line. It's okay for him to look as long as he doesn't touch or try to touch. I wouldn't want to be my man's only source of eye candy. I want him to look at her and even though she's Miss Universe, conclude in his heart that I'm better.

I respect men that don't cheat especially since we're in a time of moral decadence. It's nice to know there are still some great men out there. Ladies, it's up to you to decide if you want to forgive a man that cheated on you and move on with him. It's also your choice if you decide to dump his sorry ass. It's easier to dump him if you're yet to marry him or if you know for sure he won't ever change. But if you feel he's contrite and really sorry, even if you're yet to be binded to him, you can forgive him. No judgement from Adupeola.

I understand how hard it is to just throw away your relationship. If possible, get counseling. I'm really against divorce if it's a problem you can work out together. The only situation in which I'm pro divorce is in cases of domestic violence. If you love him and he loves you...please work it out. Just make sure it's not your fear that's keeping you holed up in that relationship.

Lastly, ladies, please try not to be readily available to men that are married or in committed relationships. You can do better and you deserve so much more. It's not fair to your fellow woman. Trust me, you don't ever want to be the other woman, it sucks!

Note; when it becomes too obvious that your man is cheating, it's 1 of 2 things:

1. He really wants out.

2. The other woman is trying to get your attention.