Curb Your Obsession!!!

Obsession, according to Wikipedia, refers to an idea or thought that continually preoccupies or intrudes on a person’s mind. You know how addictions are bad? Obsessions are worse! Why? Obsessions can also lead to addictions. Obsession has been known to lead to eating disorders, depression, insomnia, alcoholism, sex addiction, etc. Now, now, not all obsessions require you seeing a psychiatrist or therapist, but all require you to get rid of it before it overwhelms you and starts to take over your life. For us to effectively curb obsession, we have to analyze it properly. Like doctors would say, ‘know your disease’. Note that we are not discussing obsession in the general sense but only as it pertains to ‘love’ and relationships. (This is for the ladies…men, if you flip it, it works both ways as well, especially for sensitive men).

Signs that you are Obsessed

1. The person is always on your mind when you are eating, bathing, reading, even praying. You cannot get him out of your mind.

2. You always have to be with your phone. You take it everywhere because you do not want to miss a call or text from him. Every time it chimes, you hope it’s him. If you happen to be without your phone, you almost lose your mind worrying.

3. The person has the power to make or spoil your day. Each day, it is either he makes you deliriously happy or very, very sad.

4. During a fight, you can no longer function properly. You move from frustration to depression to agony and torment. You just have to get him back even if it means degrading yourself and your values.

5. If you do not hear from him in a day, you start to panic. You hate yourself for feeling this way, but you just can’t help it, ‘you love him’.

Girlfriend, I’ve got news for you, obsession is not the same as love. In fact, when it comes to what we call “love”, psychologists nickname these obsessive desires and thoughts as “emotional impairment”. Yes, it means exactly what you're thinking, your emotions are malfunctioning! Men get obsessed too. Theirs just leans more towards violence (6 in 10 cases). Women sometimes get violent too, but while a man would do something crazy, a woman would do something completely insane (borderline psychotic!) as in madness at its extreme.

This is probably due to the fact that women have been gifted with a calculating mind and the ability to deceive. You will be surprised at the number of crimes committed by women. Consciously or subconsciously, an average woman is living a lie. I mean, we cry when we're happy, smile when we're sad, say, "It’s fine" when everything is crumbling down and even say, "I’m okay" when it really isn’t and we’re dying inside. Yeah…the strength of a woman. A saying goes, “A man’s(or woman's) strength is oftentimes his(or her) downfall”. And so, because we keep it all in and act calm and sane on the outside, our insides are all messed up and some fall into the clutches of that roaming demon – Obsession.

2 out of every 5 women go through the obsessive phase at one point or the other in their relationships. You just got to know when it becomes unhealthy. That is, when you feel totally consumed by your emotions and controlled by your hormones. The thing about being obsessed with a man is that it shames you. I have found that very few women open up to their girlfriends when they feel this way. Nobody wants to feel out of control. It should not be that way. It really helps to talk to someone. The person you open up to must be tolerant and understanding. Obsession is a very tough cycle to break and so it cannot be handled by you talking to an impatient or irritable person. Normally, I would recommend that you see a therapist, but most Africans are very touchy when it comes to the issue of visiting ‘Shrinks’. Seeing a therapist does not mean you're crazy. It just means you're dealing with something you're not strong enough to deal with on your own.

Everybody needs help at some time; the kind of help only varies. I'm going to let you in on a little secret, that line above is not from an outsider’s perspective, a little while back, I had some issues to deal with and I visited a therapist, it really helped me a lot and I'm a stronger and better person for it. Plus, it’s confidential, it never leaks. Anybody that talks to me can deduce that I'm not mentally infirm, not even close(ok, maybe the jury might still be out on that one)!

If your obsession becomes a demon that enslaves you, please get professional help, nobody is perfect. If you had a beauty crisis, wouldn’t you see a beauty therapist? There is a very thin line between sanity and insanity. The major cause of obsessions is your insecurities. If you can get rid of your insecurities, you can get rid of your obsession and dependency on your man. Your obsession affects your relationship in so many ways;

-You start to get on your partner’s nerves.

-Everything evolves into a fight.

-He starts to get distant. Can you blame him? You have begun to invade his space.

The above are just the very few difficulties obsession injects into your relationship. Contrary to popular belief, you do not need to be all up in each other’s business all the time. Yes, you are a couple but there should be room for you to be individuals as well. I went through an obsessive phase in my relationship as well (No, it isn’t why I needed a therapist!) Lol! How did I deal with it? I just did. I sorted out my emotions and just put everything in the right place. I would love to say I came up with it all on my own, but I did not. I just treated obsession in general as it equates to what I was going through at the time.

How to Treat and Cure your Obsession

Be sure that as always, my method has been proven to work by psychologists.

1.The first thing you have to do is reduce your love for him. Love him less than you do right now. I know it sounds like a bad idea, but it really isn’t. The less important a man feels, the harder he tries to be more important. See, it works out after all. That is the natural order of things.

2. Find another outlet for your emotions/feelings. Some people would advise you to sleep with someone else. Do not do that, it is a very bad idea. What does that fix exactly? Absolutely nothing! All you need to do is find something else to love. Preferably, a hobby. The more activities you engage in, the less he occupies your mind. He is no longer your ONLY activity.

3. Give each other space. There should be room for you both to still explore your individuality. I know you think it’s not bad that you spend all that time together, but it is. You were someone before the relationship. You should not lose your identity; it is all you've really got that is completely yours.

4. Go easy on the jealousy. Jealousy does not solve anything. In fact, it turns the heat up. You have absolutely no reason to be paranoid or worried about another woman’s intentions, no matter what. You do not have any reason to let your insecurities get the best of you either. Quit comparing yourself to other women. You are beautiful just because you are who you are. Think about it, if he did not find you attractive, would he want to color you his? Would he love you? There must be something that distinguishes you from the rest. Let go of the jealousy. Play it cool ladies.

5. Enlighten your man about the situation. This is not a must. My advice to you would be that you fully understand who your man is before putting him in the know. You don’t want to tell him if he is going to take advantage of it and make you degenerate instead of heal. If he is understanding and mature, it really helps to talk it out with him. Communication never fails.

Note; sometimes the only cure is letting go, especially when emotional or physical abuse is involved.

Obsession can be a little tough, but it is mostly a small bump in your journey. Try out my method and observe the changes. If it doesn't work and you keep getting worse, do yourself a favor, see a professional. It does not hurt. Once again, I hope I have been a great help to someone.

Remember, whatever you are going through, you are not alone, other people face it too.

I'm sorry I have written in a while. I'll probably write about why later.

With love,
Adupeola