...It Doesn't Hit The Same Spot Twice!
Remember my love interest from When Love Strikes... What are the odds I would run into him again? It's been 4 years. He was the absolute best. He could do no wrong. Why did I leave him? I was emotionally immature and wasn't ready for the kind of love he was peddling. I just woke up one day and decided I had enough of one man putting me first, pandering to me, singing me to sleep, caring for me, etc. I decided I was better off with jerks. I deserve everything I got after him and then some.
He was good for my ego and he made me feel like a queen. I still think of him when I listen to John Legend's All of Me. I always wondered what would have happened if I wasn't bent on self-sabotaging. He fought for me but I wasn't willing to be won! Who would think I would love someone that much and still walk out of a relationship with him because I was bored?
You have no idea how glad I am that God gives second chances. It's one of the reasons I'm not a bitter woman. Most of my troubles was self originated. I've left 3 men in the past for being too boring while going on to date grade A S.O.Bs. Might have something to do with my commitment phobia (you know that good men will die there no matter what). I wasn't ready for forever and they had forever in their eyes. My people would say, “my village people had me under their radar”. When I was finally ready to start contemplating the idea of forever, the good ones started to play hide and seek with me!
Back to Mr. D...when I saw him, he was looking as yummy as ever. Did he know he would run into me? Why did he wear a suit? Why did he stand near me reminding me of how insanely tall he is? Why did he have to still smell so nice? And that sweet smile of his. He got a little chubby but it suits him. He's growing into his frame. I almost expected someone to knock me on my head for throwing him away because I was too childish to see what a great catch he was.
There's a way he smiles that makes me all shy and stupid at the same time. I always loved the way he called my name. It sounded melodious (could it be because he was a singer?). Made the name more pretty than it actually was. And when he hugged me nko? Sigh...! That man is...I always knew he had potential. He was 26 when I met him. Still growing and all that. He's 30 now and I'm glad I judged his transformation right.
It was good to see him again. I was glad to be able to tell him I was doing all I told him I wanted to do and that I was on the way to doing those I haven't. His place in my life cannot be taken for granted. He reminded me how to believe in myself. We met December 2013, when I was fighting with depression and at my heaviest. I remember the day I complained about how big I was. He lifted me up in his arms so suddenly I was shocked. “You're not heavy jo? I can lift you in one go” (that was the first time a man would carry me. One other did after him). I believed him. It wasn't until I stepped on the scale that I realized how strong he was.
He'd take me out and then boost my confidence all through. If you know me well enough, you would know I hardly make eye contact. I loved to look into his eyes though. I could always see his heart. He was a good man and I'm glad he came into my life when he did.
I'm grateful I got a chance to see him again and say thank you. I didn't say it back then. I acted ungrateful. Now, that I think about it, I guess I was bothered about the fact that he had seen me at my lowest. I wondered if he would ever see me differently even after I changed. Shakespeare was right. It's better to have loved and lost than to have never loved at all. We didn't exchange numbers (I haven't changed my number since). It's better this way. I finally got my closure (and my forehead kiss goodbye). I'm glad he's doing fine. I'm glad he's alive and well.
Mr. D, if you still read my blog, understand that I am grateful. You pushed me to start this blog. Thank you. I wish you the best and I've still got nothing but love (agape) for you. God bless you!
I wrote this while listening to All Of Me on replay (it was our song. He sang it to me over the phone every night).