More On Spousal Abuse And Domestic Violence

By now you should know that I am an advocate for eradicating domestic violence in our homes. I wish that some day soon we see the end of this disease that has taken away so much from our societies. The truth about domestic violence is that it is usually a recurring cycle...a vicious one at that. Most people that are victims or perpetrators of this crime(because it is a crime), come from homes where abuse and domestic violence was rampant and a norm. These people grew up believing this is the norm and go in search of such dysfunction in their own lives as well. The thing is, it sometimes leads to their death. I cannot emphasize enough how urgent it is for you to get out of an unhealthy relationship. It is bad for you in every way. Spiritually, emotionally and physically.

I wanted to write this post a few days ago since I read about that lawyer who slit her husband's throat. But I didn't because i had to get to the point where my fingers stopped trembling when I thought about it. And I did think about it...a lot. I kept trying to figure out why? I mean what crime could be so heinous that required her to take his life? Earlier that day, she had stabbed him(in my opinion, that was when she first tried to kill him) and he went to get treated. Why did he go back to her? Someone that attempted to kill you??!! And then I don't think it was self-defense because he was sleeping when she cut his throat and went even further to stop help from coming his way. If you ask me, that's premeditated murder!

I also read about the husband who bathed his wife in acid. His wife! Someone he vowed before God and man to love and protect. Then sometime last year it was about a girlfriend that stabbed her boyfriend...all she had to do was break up with him o...why kill him? I just don't get it. How can you kill someone you claimed to love? How can you physically and verbally abuse such a person?

I've said this often and I'll say it again. If I happen to be dating a man and he gets angry and shouts(raises his voice) at me, I'm done. Today, he's shouting tomorrow he'll beat me and next month he'll kill me. No...I'm not a party to that kind of love. Yorubas would call it 'Ife Gbona'.  I cannot be around that kind of negative energy. It will drain me. I cannot afford to die a needless death. I'm sorry to be so blunt but that's the kind of death victims of spousal abuse or domestic violence die...needless deaths. They didn't have to die...if only they had left. It's better to leave with a broken arm than in a coffin.

Another issue is that in this part of the world, Africa to be precise, we do not believe that a man can be a victim of domestic violence. We believe they are usually the perpetrators. It's true that it is rare...but it does happen. Men are as much victims of this disease as women are. It is something that affects everybody. Male victims are ashamed to speak out because we laugh at them and accuse them of being cowardly instead of helping them and probably saving their lives in the process.

You do not stay and hope and pray that a violent partner changes. You get the hell out of that relationship and seek protection. You go as far as reporting them to the local authorities, welfare organisations and to family and friends. You run for your life(because at the end of it all, that's what you're trying to protect). Do not wait for him/her to draw the final blow...or maim you for life.

Love is not an excuse to suffer such atrocities. Do not be quiet. Do not be ashamed to speak out. You're not alone...there are so many that have been in your shoes and understand what you've been through. Talk it out. If your issues are the underlying cause of you getting involved in violent relationships, please seek professional help. It's okay to do that. It's alright to ask for help when we need it. If you grew up in a dysfunctional home where abuse was the norm...kindly understand that it's not the norm in a  sane society. Seek professional help too.

I hope that local authorities begin to take matters of domestic violence seriously. Because it's no child's play...and I pray we see the end of this atrocity and that people stop dying needless deaths.

I sincerely hope that one day we become a society completely free of spousal abuse/domestic violence.

Happy Sunday!!!