"How long will it take for me to get it right?"

I haven't written a post for my single readers in a long time. I'm starting to feel like I've been quite neglectful of them. I have always considered them the strongest. It might not be a bad thing to be single...but sometimes it can get hard...especially when all you have around you are 'happy' couples. I was chatting with a friend the other day and one conversation led to another and we found ourselves talking about her love life or to be more precise her lack of one.

And then she asked me, "how long do you think it will take before I get it right?" I had no reply for her. I did not know. I have no idea how the universe works concerning that. It still baffles me. Some people marry their first love and others marry their 10th! Some actually get it right on their first try. Others are so unlucky that they have to fail at it multiple times before they actually 'get it right'. If we argue that exams aren't a true test of our intelligence and abilities, can we also argue that our love lives (or lack of one) is also not a true testimony of our character and personality?

The Good Book says, "hope deferred makes the heart sick, but when the desire comes, it is a tree of life." I get why people become desperate after a while. I also get that after a while of failing that when they meet anything that slightly resembles a diamond, they go for it full steam ahead. Never minding if it's real or fake (Carbonite). Personally, I have always felt there is almost no mistake I cannot eventually amend. I might not be able to erase it, but I can amend it. But, I have always felt the one mistake I'll probably never be able to amend is if I let the wrong man into my life. There's no running away from that.

I have seen the experiences of people that have gone through horrible relationships and marriages and if I'm being particularly honest, I would say that has turned me into a bit of a commitment phobe. I am obsessed with getting it right too. But it really shouldn't be the measurement by which you determine your self-worth. It's really okay to be single. It's okay to take a time out to heal properly. There are so many advantages to embracing singlehood.

You don't have to answer to anyone. You can be spontaneous. You don't have to share your time. You can just get up and decide to go on a trip. You can take up a new class, a new hobby...new activity...new ANYTHING! You can get to truly know yourself. So many of us don't know who we are or what we really want. You might tend to be more of what you think your partner wants rather than being yourself. That's not healthy because even in a relationship, you need to retain your individuality. You can be unapologetically YOU. You can become closer to God...work more on yourself. You can start on achieving some of the goals you made yourself. You can have a life!

You need to make good use of this season of your life. There's nothing wrong with you and you're not unworthy because you're not part of a couple. Grow a relationship with God...you are first His before you can become his/hers.

Remember: Ruth went about her own business and Boaz noticed her (she didn’t even know she was being watched).

Be all that you can be during this period. Strive for greatness. And leave the most important decision of your life, in God's hand!

Note: God will not sit down in heaven and plan your hurt here on earth. You're the apple of His eyes so act like it!

With tremendous love,

Adupeola