The Importance Of Communication In A Relationship

Nothing can exist without communication. Even animals need communication in their own communities to successfully co-relate. If animals need it, then why should humans be exempt from this unspoken rule? Communication is a vital key to keeping any relationship going smoothly, be it familial, romantic or even a work relationship. I am a student of communication and the intricacies surrounding this particular subject has always intrigued me. Anything can be done with good communication. Even God attested to this fact when the people came together to build the tower of Babel...He knew He had to distort the message being shared or they might actually succeed. Another example is prayer. We've been told and some of us actually believe that it is the master key. It's a form of communication isn't it? Only this time we're communicating with the Big Boss Himself.

For clarity, let's define communication again. Communication, according to Wikipedia, "is
the imparting or exchanging of information by speaking, writing, or using some other medium." It's quite simple actually, you use communication to let people have a glimpse of your hidden thoughts or to convey another's mesage. I have often felt that most breakups are as a result of the couple forgetting how to communicate with each other in the way that they understand. Men and women are different and they communicate differently as well. Women are more open and willing to talk about their emotions and whatnot...but men, not so much. Although there are exceptions to every rule, we have to accept that this exemptions are very few and far between.

Men are macho...they feel like they should be in control all the time. They are programmed that way. The fear of losing their respect, dignity and face infront of their women pushes them to close up when they need to talk the most. At times like this, when it is so obvious that something is wrong and it seems like he's drawing farther away from you, don't become insecure and self-centered assuming he's cheating(although he might be...boys will be boys afterall), don't nag him. Give him his space and be approachable so that when he's ready to talk, he can come right to you. He needs to know that you won't love him any less when he shows you his human too!

I have come to realize that you can't make a man move an inch by nagging or scolding him for days on end. But you can make him move a mile by speaking quietly and practicing the sandwich method. Here, I'll give you an example;

"I love having you around and I'm not in a hurry to lose you. How hard do you think it would be for you to quit smoking? You're so disciplined I bet you can do it in no time at all. I really don't want us to start having kids before you start trying to quit."

Appealing to a man's ego whilst telling him what you want because you love him not because you wish to control him. You, like the Bible say, 'speak the truth in love'. It's easy for communication to become distorted (i.e misunderstood) even if you had good intentions. You have to realise that there is a time to speak and a time to keep quiet.

Never talk to your man while you're still angry. Calm yourself down first. Take a breather and when your emotions are no longer running amok, speak to him. There's a lesser chance your words will be cutting then. It really doesn't help your relationship if both of you are angry at the same time. Good men aren't all that complicated. If they realize something they're doing is hurting their woman, they make changes.

Never give your man the silent treatment. I know it gets the job done (yes, I know this from experience), but the longer you take to talk through your issues, the bigger they become and the wider the gap between you and your man. Let's be honest with ourselves. He's not psychic. If you don't tell him what he did wrong, there's a good chance he'll never figure it out. He'll know he's being punished but he won't know why. Then he might assume you're trying to manipulate him.

Communication is a fundamental key in every relationship. Lack of communication is why people end up in couple's therapy to go communicate with a third-party about how they don't communicate with each other (I have nohing against getting professional help...get help if you need it).

Find time just to talk. Concentrating on each other with no external distractions; quality conversation. Take 10 minutes out of every day to communicate and concentrate on your partner.

I wish you the best in your relationships.

Adupeola