Say No To Domestic Violence

It can simply be defined as violence against another in an intimate relationship. The last time I wrote about DV, I was a little too theoretical. I think with a subject like this I have to find a way to make it more personal and less impersonal. Like I've said before, this is a subject that I'm passionate about. It seems though that it's becoming more rampant every year. Anything that degrades, belittles, hurts or humilates women rub me the wrong way. This is not because I'm feminist(which I've finally admitted to by the way). It's more because I'm female as well. I hurt along with them.

I have heard and seen so many different cases of DV. It amazes me how one man can reduce an intelligent woman to a silly girl who keeps coming back for more. I want to say it's due to low self-esteem, but most women had plenty before leashing themselves with some animal. Apart from the fact that I am allergic to pain, I find I can't come to terms with a man physically abusing me(notice that I didn't say I was averted to emotional abuse, been there, done that...never going back). Yes, DV takes different forms and sometimes if you've faced one, you've faced them all. It messes with a girl's head. She assumes she's doing something wrong when all the fault lies with the cowardly man that she's with. A man that would rather bully his woman than protect her.

I have said it loud enough and often enough; any man who is crazy enough to hit me should better be insane enough to kill me(that's a lot of 'enoughs'). If he doesn't, he's going to wish he had never been born. I'm not saying that I would hit him back or anything. I'm saying I've got a tightly-knitted family unit who would each try and outdo each other in making him suffer. The first man I ever introduced to my father, the first thing dad told him was, "ma na omo mi o" meaning, "do not hit my child!". Ladies, the thing is, if you date a man secretly, he can do with you whatever he wants. Also, if you date or marry someone your family doesn't approve of, you might live to regret that action.

I once had a friend who was constantly abused by the man she was seeing. I felt so fucking helpless watching her repeat the cycle over and over again. I tried to be there for her. To be gentle. To try and understand the benefits of leaving him. I remember the day I found out the man was actually married. I lost it. I couldn't grasp why she would let a man that probably didn't abuse his own wife treat her so badly. I kept reminding her that we were in Africa. In Nigeria, where men specialized in eating their cake and having it. The man would probably never leave his wife for her. And if he made room for her in his life she would just be a second wife. I tried and tried to get through to her. Eventually, I stopped trying. I started to ignore her when she was in pain. But she made me wonder why women did it. Why they stayed with a man that hurts them repeatedly.

A father is a daughter's first love. He's the first man a girl would ever love. My father never hit me growing up. He never even raised his voice. Why would I give another man that much power. I understand that there's more at play here than self worth. If a man raises his voice at me, I cut him out of my life. I'm not willing to find out if I can be addicted to the cycle as well. Too many women have lost their lives, their peace of mind, their joy, and so much more. I don't want to be added to that statistics. If a man hits you sometimes when you're still courting, he'll probably kill you after he marries you. Never give a man enough power that he owns you. That's why there's a procedure. A process. That's why it's necessary that my man be old-fashioned enough to ask my father for permission to court me. Someone has to hold him accountable for my body and my emotions. Who better to do that than my family and friends? I'm not saying let a third-party into your relationship. I'm saying let your man know he has to answer to people that love you and care about you.

DV is not something you take lightly. The first step is getting out. You need to get that man arrested first of all. Then you can plan your getaway. The first step is reporting him. If you can't, then you won't leave. I know here authorities might call it domestic dispute and try not to be involved. Remind them assault is a crime. We have women welfare services. Get in touch with them. They specialize in issues like that. Run for your life. Get out before he kills you. He's a monster and an animal. The biggest kind of bully and a god-awful coward. It's not your responsibility to change him. Love protects. It doesn't hurt.

You deserve better. Stop selling yourself short. I've done my homework. So, I can connect you to a few people that can help. I can also listen if all you want to do is talk. I won't judge(but I might call him names). Be strong. Take the first step today. Life is beautiful. Don't lose it for what you think is love.

I love you!

adupeola@gmail.com

08086988620

To be continued...