What Now?

It happened again. This time it crept up on me. Usually, a series of different events gives me an heads up about it but not this time. It just settled in and filled everything up. I really don't know how to explain this feeling/mood. I've tried so many times to describe it in my journal(yes, I still have one and it's not electronic...I prefer to put pen to paper) and my description always comes short. Like it doesn't fully capture what am feeling and going through.

I'm going to try again here. I suddenly feel like I'm in a race with time. I never actually run but I guess mental stress must affect the heart seeing as my heart starts beating like I've been doing cardio(I know because I did a couple of stints in the gym but never could stick with it). Then I have to catch my breath, like literally concentrate on breathing. Could it be panic attacks? But why now? I don't think I've ever had them as a child.

Then everything and everyone around me seems closed off from me. Like I don't get them and they don't get me. I'm bored with everything and everyone and I'm tired of everything and everyone. I start to feel like there just has to be more to life and that 'more' keeps eluding me. I don't know how to catch it. These last couple of months I have tried to escape my comfort-zone. I have done things I wouldn't normally do. I have sincerely tried to waylay this mood of mine.

I really don't know why I'm writing about it here. I just felt since I write about every other thing, why not this one? And since writing has been proven to be therapeutic, I decided to give it a go. Let's not forget the fact that I believe that anything happening or going on with one individual is probably something that has already happened to someone else...or still happening. In summary, there's nothing new under the sun. So, I was also hoping someone like that would tell me how to battle and win over this mood.

I'm sorry I haven't been writing but I'm not passionate about much these days. And the little I've got, I'm focusing it on something else right now. I'll snap out of it like I always do and make it up to you. I just grew tired of giving you excuses and decided to be honest.

I'll be back soon....

Have a wonderful day!!!

Adupeola