Getting Over Heartbreak (Edited)

Heartbreak, according to Wikipedia, is a common metaphor used to describe the intense emotional pain or suffering one feels after losing a loved one, whether through death, divorce, breakup, physical separation, betrayal, or romantic rejection. I am going to be focusing on breakup and romantic rejection. Again, heartbreak, when used in health science means overwhelming distress. Everybody goes through heartbreak at some point. The most important thing is how you deal with it.

The funny thing about heartbreak is even though the linguistic term associates it with the heart, it actually has to do with your mental health. You see, physically, your heart cannot be broken (if it could, a lot of people would be dead today, myself included), everything you feel and go through comes from the mind (which is actually in the head) we call it ‘heartbreak’ because ‘love’ is supposed to or said to be from the heart (although the only thing that is actually from the heart is blood). So, to deal with it, you have to deal with the source – your mind (head).

Okay, I am not a doctor, I happen to come from a long line of medical practitioners though, but, even I know when to draw the line, drop the analysing and get on with it. Heartbreak is not very easy to get over, hell, it’s not easy, period! You are bombarded with so many emotions all at once. At that time, you feel like you are all alone, even though you are not. You even feel lonely in a crowd. I know different people deal with it differently. Some, quicker than others, for the benefit of both parties though, I am going to let you in on how to get over heartbreaks Adupeola’s style!

My way might seem a little absurd and weird to you, but I advise you to try it out for awesome results. Remember, heartbreaks take time to heal, every sort of pain does, and this is just a way to make the process less painful and slow. Heartbreaks differ according to emotional stability (Note that mental stability and emotional stability are two very different things, the former leans towards dangerous and the latter, although can lead to the former, does so very rarely). It takes the emotionally unstable longer to get over heartbreaks, they find it quite hard to let go. Women are believed to be more in the class of emotionally unstable than men. The good news is, no matter your emotional stability, as long as you are not lying in bed all day without food and external contact, you are going to be just fine. Besides, I would like to believe women are much stronger than they think. Still, heartbreak brings to the surface a whole lot of grief and pain and so even the strongest people become a little weak.

First of all, I want you to understand that no matter what might have caused your heartbreak – breakup, romantic rejection, etc. it is not the end of the world. It is just a small blip in your life’s journey. You will definitely get over it. Besides, you are not alone. Hundreds are going through the same thing. Yes, you feel like crap and you keep wishing it was happening to someone else and you were just an onlooker, I am sorry it could not be that way. Every relationship cannot lead to the altar, life is not a fairytale. The best way to handle heartbreak is to be prepared for it. There is a probability that your partner will hurt you and break your heart even if the episode does not necessarily evolve into a breakup. Now, hold up, I am not asking you to be a cynic or something, I am merely stating that the Boys Scout motto: “Be Prepared” is a very good one. You should also know that an optimist has a 75% chance of getting over heartbreak faster than a pessimist. Why? An optimist, does not stop trying and no matter what, decides to see the “pros” and never the “cons” whilst a pessimist is someone that will probably carry the scar around for a very, very long time; seeing only the bad side of everyone.
Now, let’s get down to the nitty-gritty:
How to deal with Heartbreak Adupeola’s way

1. Cry. Yes, that’s what I said, cry. There is a need for you to let it all out. There is nothing worse than keeping in your emotions. Pent-up emotions sometimes lead to brain tumors. Psychologists, call this the mind-body link. I happen to be a “crier” and take it from me, crying makes it a little better. If you feel like crying every day after work, please do so. In fact, crying at night before bedtime will make getting through the next day a whole lot easier. Notice how grieving people are asked to let it out and people get worried when they do not cry? It's because when you cry, a little of the pain is released. I am not saying it will make you forget, I am just saying it is a very good step towards dealing with your pain. Crying does not make you weak. You are hurt, you are in pain, and you are entitled to a good cry. Cry it out!

2. Listen to blues (love songs, sad songs, breakup songs). I know what I wrote o. You know all those songs you were told not to listen to when you are sad. I want you to get them all out and listen to them. I know it is going to make you sadder, that’s the idea! If you can sing along, please do. In fact, if you and your partner have a favorite song/your song, listen to that as well. If you feel weepy and down while listening to them do not let it bother you. Honey, cry some more.

3. Binge on sweets. Lol! I told you it might sound a little bizarre, hang in there. Be patient and you will see my way is the best way. I find that sweets (food/snacks that contain a lot of sugar) help ease pain. Instead of alcohol and other mean vices just turn to sweets (not that it is not a vice of its own). They will give not only your taste buds but also your mind short relief. Sweetheart, I need you to indulge yourself, you need it. Pamper you! Besides, when did chocolates or ice cream ever break anyone's heart. Have some comfort food...thank me later!

3. Reminisce. Take your mind back to all the good times you had with your partner. Ever wondered why the harder you try to forget something, the clearer the image is in your head? So, instead of trying to forget, remember. Remember the wonderful time you had together, all the fun you had. Makes it easier to let go, because then you do not want to hold a grudge, you just want to cherish the memories you made together and change the page in your storybook of life.

4. Drop the crap. I know I told you to do all that stuff above, now it is time to put a bullet in it. Steps 1 through 4 should only last for 2 weeks, 3 weeks at most. After all, you have to get on with your life. It is not the end of your life. In fact, it is the start of another, albeit, new phase of your life. At this point, you should drop the self-pity crap and concentrate on you and your life.

5. Get rid of all traces of your former partner (that is if it leads to a breakup). There is a need for you to accept that it is over. Do not for any reason keep hope alive thinking something is going to happen and he is going to change his mind about the breakup. Keep it definite. Your relationship is finished. There is nothing to salvage. I want you to think about what broke you guys up. Think about it long and hard. Yes, that is why you cannot go back to him. That is why you do not want to wait around for him to call or text to check on you. He is no longer a part of your life and as such, you should stop living your life like he is. It does not matter how long you were together even life ends one day.

6. Do not blame yourself. I know you will be tempted to blame yourself for the turnout of events, please don’t. Blaming yourself never ends well and it does not do you any good. No matter what led to where you are right now, blaming yourself is not the next thing to do. Blaming yourself will not make things better or even change a thing. I am not saying that you should not carry out a self- assessment and see what you can do better; all I am trying to say is that no matter what it is, it is not entirely your fault.

7. Work on you. What is that thing you have always wanted to do and could not because you had to answer to someone? Go ahead and do it. Work on the way you look. Eat healthy. If you are the exercising type, go for it. If not, that’s fine too. As long as you look in the mirror see who is in there and come up with a smile, it’s all good. Read more, go out more. Meet new people and explore your individuality, do things that will boost your self-esteem and confidence.

You do not need anything weighing on your self-worth. Let nothing get you in the dumps. Own your essence and love you.
Keep in mind that Rome was not built in a day. Like I said earlier, no pain goes away immediately, especially when it comes to grief or heartbreak. Just give yourself time to get over it.

Do not rush it. With time you will get over it. A saying goes, “time is the ultimate healer of all pain”. One day, you are going to wake up and find out that you are alright, that you are finally at peace, that it was all for your own good and that you have grown and become a better person for it.

I want to admonish you once again, whatever you might be going through hang in there and know that you are not alone. I've been there. There are thousands out there going through the very same thing. This is a phase; it shall pass! Change the page.

With love,
Adupeola