Waiting To Exhale

I don't get a lot of things about this generation. We're f'ked up. Nobody is thinking right. Every where it's money & sex, money & sex, you're seriously telling me there's not more to life than these two? I'd read what some men write and I would be stunned, completely flabbergasted and then I would read from some women and I'm embarrassed for them, I want to find 'em & beat some sense into their heads. Someone told me recently that the reason I've been so unlucky in love is because those 2 things don't matter to me like they should. She's wrong. I'm not changing that part of me.

When I was 8, I remember my father saying, “Even if he's a taxi driver and he loves you very much, I'd release you to him as long as you love him in return”. I didn't get it then because I was a princess and I wanted my Prince Charming. I didn't get where the 'taxi driver's bride” bit was coming from. What he said shaped my thoughts about love. I want genuine love more than I want material things. I've never ventured into a relationship because of what I thought I could get from a man.

There are 3 things involved in an healthy relationship from my end: Love, Respect & Submission. If we're not kidding ourselves, we'd admit that the first stage of love is physical attraction, after that, the rest fall into place (or not). When I love you, I love you for you. I love you because you're you. Your character, attitude, the way you treat me, these are the things that will lead to respect.

I know men want & need respect but let's be honest shall we? Respect begets respect. What you sow, you reap. If love happens, respect isn't automatic like most people assume. You must earn it. Questions like; Does he respect me? Does my opinion count to him? Will he go out of his way for me? Does he build up & encourage me? Is he polite with me? Am I important to him? Is he generous (again, this doesn't necessarily mean money) with me?

My answers to the above questions will build up or tear down my respect for him. If I answer YES more often than I answer NO, it will be easier to respect him. At this point, love has been established, respect has been earned, submission will flow freely. I'm not against submission (as long as it isn't misunderstood), never have been. It's a command from God, it's not to make me subservient or inferior to my husband, it's so I see him as my covering and so he realizes his role as the physical & spiritual head of our home. He's the President and I'm the Vice. He's the head and I'm the neck. We're a team. Always.

I know this may be a bit hard to believe about me because I go on more ego trips than most men do. I truly believe in following the right order of things so as to keep the balance. I'm not staying with a man I can't submit to. That only means I do not trust him to lead me right. Ladies, a man does not have to be a millionaire before you can respect him. He just as to be a good man. As long as a man is hardworking, faithful, has dreams, goals, vision, understands what purpose is and treats me right, if I'm physically attracted to him (first stage of love remember?), I will get on his team. My job is to help him become all that he can be, his job is to be the wind under my wings. We need to stop fighting and understand that we were created to be a team.

He'll know more than I do about certain things and I'll know more in other areas. He'll tend to be almost always logical about issues and I'll address it from an emotional POV. I'm literally waiting to exhale. I do not want a man that I have to be on my guard with and I do not want to be a woman he cannot be vulnerable with.

2018 is slowly creeping to an end. Let's not carry this same issues into 2019. What another human being brings to the table should be deeper than money & sex. Loyalty, trust, tolerance, patience, wisdom, strength, faith in God, joy, these are some of the things that should matter. I jokingly refer to myself as a palm tree because I thrive wherever. I want to be like a palm tree in love as well. Whether we have plenty or we don't have enough, whether there's sickness or health, whether there are cloudy skies or sunny days, I want to know that I'd still stand by that man and still love him as much as I did in the beginning. Life comes with a series of tests. You never know what yours will be but it is during those tests that you know if your love is true. May God never let us be tested with more than we can handle.

Ladies & Gentlemen, let's do better!

Adupeola.