Finding Adupeola (No more flaking...I promise)

I know I haven't written in a long while, my sincere apologies. I was busy finding myself. I was one of those people that always laughed at people who said stuff like that. What exactly does “finding yourself” mean? How did you lose yourself? Can you lose yourself? I don't think I've been myself in 10 years. We all watched Finding Nemo & Finding Dora. You agree with me that their getting lost was their fault right? Going by that theory, losing myself must have been my fault, right? It was. I let other people's opinion define me. I lived my life for them leaving nothing for myself. Selfless? Nah! I just wasn't confident enough in my own skin.

I didn't love me enough to fight for me. I adopted so many personas I forgot who I was. I forgot what I loved to eat. My favorite kind of music. My favorite pastimes. I forgot the things I used to enjoy. I forgot so much my brain literally locked stuff away. I never knew how much of myself was gone until I went for a particular boot camp that was organized by a woman I simply loved. There was something about her that made me want to give up on writing all together. You see, I loved her so much and wanted so badly that she'd like me too. I found myself trying to agree to things that went against my very beliefs. I have lived a short ways over my boundaries but my basal principles and beliefs remained intact. I never did away with them. Yet, there I was, about to give them up just so this woman (who I was pretty sure wasn't speaking her truth by the way) would like me.

At that point, I realized I had to do an internal evaluation. I had to get to know Adupeola all over again. I had to build a relationship with her. Take her out on dates, gist with her, pamper her, buy her what she likes, put her first, take her out of her comfort zone, put her back in touch with her Source, look out for her spirit, body & soul. It was time to fall in love with her all over again. Then it was time to choose to love her even when she's being a little hard to love.

What better time to practice self-love than right after a self-awakening? The first thing I did was walk out of my 2-year relationship. It wasn't what I wanted. It didn't align with my goals & dreams but I kept at it because I was complacent with life. I wasn't being proactive. I was living a life that wasn't my own. It took all of my willpower to take that very step. I was scared. So what if I was spring cleaning my life? Why did my heart have to suffer? Why did I have to make such a big move to prove I was looking out for my best interests? Growth requires some sort of putting down. Seeds are buried to become big trees. Rose bushes are pruned so they become prettier. It was my time to grow and my growth meant cutting off certain people and certain activities.

I wasn't about to take the easy way out. I was going to do this right. I deserved that much. It wasn't easy. I cannot tell you how many times I wanted to give up. I didn't though and now I actually have something to say when people say, “Tell me about yourself”. Through the process of finding myself, loving myself, educating myself, enjoying my own company and serving, I discovered purpose. Purpose sets your heart on fire. Gives you a reason to wake up everyday ready to go.

I could go on and on. But, I won't. I'll leave you to determine how far I've grown from my future posts. That's right! No more running from writing. I cannot wait to tell you all about it. So, let's start small with a weekly post and work our way up. I've missed you all. I'm glad to be writing again.