The 5 Love Languages Explained Adupeola's Style!

Okay, by now you should know I read extensively. I read everything I can lay my hands on. I can't see a book and not atleast start it. But, for about 2 years now, I've tried to focus that passion/hobby towards reading books that concentrate on the niche I've carved out for myself and books that build me up spiritually, especially as a woman. So, yes of course I've read every of Dr. Gary Chapman's books (author of the 5 love languages series). I've read even the ones that don't apply to my season...so much so that it scared my boyfriend at the time because he thought I was trying to force him into marriage 😂😂😂 (like I would marry you😩😩)!

Let's get to it then: (I intend to start it off with my primary and secondary love languages)

*Primary love language is the way you show love and the language your loved ones speak to you that connects with you emotionally the most.

* Secondary love language is the second best way you like to be shown love.

Sidebar; all 5 love languages are important and you should learn them because your partner might speak another language and want to be loved in another language.

Oya....let's do this!!!

1. Words of Affirmation: Lol...tell me you didn't see that one coming. Even when i was a child my parents quickly realized it was better to scold me than to spank me. Spank me and I'll just sulk and not talk to them for a couple of days. Scold me and I'd be reduced to tears (I still cry easily). Probably mum shouldn't have scolded me too hard, it affected my relationship with her for a while. I thought she hated me.

That's the thing though, if your love languages are used negatively to you, you feel hated or disliked. People who have the same primary love languages with me never forget harsh words, insults or verbal abuse. It taints everything we do and our relationship with that person. Remember Mr. S? He was verbally abusive...look how that ended. How do you speak this love language? I'll tell you. Words of encouragements, supportive words, compliments, telling them with your words how you feel (for this group of people, actions doesn't always speak louder than words).

And when they lash out and complain that they don't feel loved by you, they really don't. You're not filling up their love tanks because you're not speaking their language. If you know me well, you would realize that's how I show love too. I'll encourage you. Pray for you. Send messages of support, appreciation, the works. Funny enough, when I want to show the opposite of love, I still use the same language but a different dialect.

2. Quality Time: Okay, we all give of our time in some way. But, what does it mean to give quality time. Again, I'll tell you. I have always loved attention and it drives me crazy when I feel like I'm being ignored. I might actually cut such a person off forever. Quality time means undivided attention. Even if it's only for 30 seconds. It means putting aside whatever you're doing while talking to me. It means listening and actually hearing me when I speak. It means trying to understand me and how I think and why I do the things I do.

Like the first love language it also has dialects; quality listening, quality conversation, spending time together doing an activity or not doing anything sef. Just being in each other's presence with comfortable silence. This is why they can't but call a million times a day. This is why they always miss being with you or doing stuff with you. Do you get it now? Yes, you're busy but you don't know how far a call, a text or an email goes with these people. Try it today!

3. Physical Touch: There are appropriate and inappropriate touches. I know most men assume their primary love language is physical touch because they like sex, not so, you're just male 😒😒. If you're a boss and you're patting your secretary on the ass because physical touch is your love language, in a civilised society, you'll end up with a sexual harassment suit, in Naija you'll end up on baba's list of sacrificial items for Ogun.

Hugs, pats on the back (not lower back o), thoughtful touches on the arm, holding hands, kissing, not everytime sex 😞😞. Sometimes, let your touches not lead to anything sexual. Don't be the "just your smell gets me horny" guy! Abuse of this love language is physical abuse (wife/husband battery, assault, rape, etc.) People that have this as their primary love language take longer to recover from it's abuse.

4. Acts of Service: Plainly speaking this is when you serve others out of love. Like helping your wife with housechores when you know she's overwhelmed. Or volunteering to watch the kids for a whole day while she goes to pamper herself. Helping your man wash his car 😅😅😅 (I can hear some of ladies complaining from here). Cooking is an act of service, so is cleaning, ironing, etc. This things shouldn't be taken for granted.

It should be appreciated and it is by people whose love language is acts of service. Anything you do to ease the burden or help lift some of the responsibilities of your partner is an act of service. I hate housechores...I hate everything society expects women to do, so, when I do it, it's always an act of service. I love you enough to serve you. Simple!

5. Receiving Gifts: I scored a zero on this. I've always seen gifts as bribery and I'm almost always scared to know what he did that was so bad I deserved a gift. I don't see this as a way of showing me love, I see it as manipulation from the pit of hell. Funny thing though, I speak this language well even though I don't wish to recieve love this way. I will never receive a gift I cannot afford. This isn't pride on my part...but since I'm already wary about receiving gifts, so I'm always ready to give a new one back if you're going to be petty about it later.

People that have this as their love languages are not materialistic. The simplest and cheapest gifts are appreciated by these people. This is my father's love language and he's the only one that gives me gifts and I'm not wary...because it's his love language as well. We usually show love in our love languages too. He baptizes us with gifts and from time to time...I get him a little something so his head can swell small.

There's more to say on the 5 love languages but let's stop here for today. I'll touch it again some other time...atleast we got to talk about all 5. Saturdays are for resting...

To find out your love language and that of your partner, go to;

www.5lovelanguages.com

I love you....enjoy your weekend darlings.

Adupeola